Hello, during slow times during my life I (Jenni) find
myself turning to ridiculous activities for amusement. During one
particular Spring Break I made a map of Dyeland, during another I
made a goofy scrapbook about Christian Bale, then there was the
time I covered my brother's door in Andrew quotes and most
recently I made the JABB
Encyclopedia. With this project I once again return to JABB
to keep me busy. Inspired by the sometimes interesting, sometimes
goofy, sometimes boring commentary I often have on DVDs I buy I
thought "Gee, what would people think if they knew what ran
through my head while I wrote JABB?" I have no idea but partly for
my own amusement I started keeping track of my thoughts on various
newsletters, particularly those scenes that were cut out of
issues. As you know, Audrey also writes JABB with me but since she
has retained more sanity than I, only my comments are found here.
My thoughts are in italics and the original writing is in plain
Update: September 7th, 2005- I just
finished a rather massive editing project on JABB. Among
other things, I fixed parts of newsletters where the name Jenni
(really me) was used where Lady JenniAnn (fake me) should have
been used, Sara where Kiwi should have been, and, amazingly,
John where Andrew should have been. I considered doing the
same thing with this page. However, this is, after all, a
bunch of rejected drafts. So I'm just leaving them as
are. Most of the references on these two pages to Jenni
should be JenniAnn and Sara should be Kiwi.
JABB 39- The Jabbins Wedding
This is one of my favorite issues but it took quite a few drafts before it got to it's present state. Originally a scene was there that bridged the gap between Newsletter 28's fairy tale to 39. It also features the proposal. Here it is:
Audrey, Jenni, and Sara returned to Dyeland Castle to commiserate after John had returned to his home. Chiwawa and Chimama returned to Dyeland and stroll around the parks and fields and forests.
"Chiwawa, I am so glad you found me. I have missed you so much. The only thing that kept me from going insane was remembering the question you asked me." Chimama said as she gazed into Chiwawa's eyes.
"The question.... Yes, I remember. You never answered me, my dear Chimama. Y-you disappeared." Chiwawa replies with a deeply sad tone.
"Yes." Chimama says ever so quietly.
"YES!!!!! She said yes!!!!! Chimama, you've made me so happy! Quick let's go tell Audrey and Jenni! We're getting married!!!!!!"
With that Chiwawa and his betrothed run back to Dyeland castle to begin months of planning for this very special event.
I personally liked this scene. I thought the idea of having Chiwawa proposing several years before and then living years with out receiving an answer was kinda sappily sweet. However, I think at some point I realized that you can actually have too much of chihuahuas staring dreamily at each other. Therefore, I chose to skip right into the wedding which is what you see in N39.
This next scene involved preparation for the wedding itself. At some point I realized that if I didn't cut right to the wedding then it would make for a huge issue. So the following was left out of the newsletter. My comments are interspersed through the scene and are in italics.
"AUDREY!!!!!!!!" Jenni comes tearing through the kitchen doors of the castle. Audrey is there supervising as finishing touches are put on a huge wedding cake with two small dog figurines on the top.
"What is it now?" Audrey asks with a tinge of annoyance sneaking into her tone (after all she'd put up with this for five months.) I had also gotten rather tired of my character being portayed as neurotic. I had originally written Jenni that way for comic relief but ended up wanting her to represent myself a bit more.
"No one knows where John is, my dress is five inches too long, Chiwawa's caterer brought Purina souffle instead of Alpo souffle, and I can't find Chiwawa and Chimama's plane tickets to Chihuahua, Mexico!!!!"
"The dress can be hemmed, I'm sure the caterer can fix his mistake by tomorrow, I have the tickets, but as for John...... I don't think I've seen him since the rehearsal last night. Did you send someone over to check his cabin?"
"Yes, it was empty."
"Hmmm... well that is serious," now even Audrey is getting slightly worried.
"You don't suppose he was kidnapped by any of the wedding guests do you?" Jenni asks. I had intended to turn it into some sort of mystery with John missing. However, I stopped writing for the day and when I continued this story the next day I'd given up on that idea as you can see below.
"No.... I mean they were all at the TBAA marathon after the reception last night and I don't think..." Suddenly Audrey is interrupted by a knock at the front door. Both of the girls race to answer it. As they open it there stands John in his best man's tux.
"Hi, sorry I went for a walk earlier today and forgot to tell anyone. So is the tux okay?"
"Umm..... Great.... yeah great tux." Audrey mumbles. Jenni still stands at her side gawking.
"Yeah, umm, thanks. I'm, uhhh, glad. So is everything okay in here?" John is apparently a little uncomfortable.
"Oh yes everything is fine. Tomorrow will be beautiful." Jenni finally manages to get herself out of her trance.
"That's great. Both of you have been working really hard on this wedding and I know Chiwawa and Chimama appreciate it. You deserve a break, in fact, I think the three of us should have a picnic today just to relax." John suggests.
"That would be great!" Audrey and Jenni both readily agree.
"Okay, I'll meet you at noon by the pond. I'll take care of everything."
"Thanks John! We'll see you at noon!"
The three depart. John heads back to his cabin and Audrey and Jenni go back inside to finish preparations. None of the three is aware of a mysterious figure who has been listening to their entire conversation.....
As you can see by the last sentence I had still planned on having some sort of mystery. This theme becomes more obvious in the following scene between the Jabbins.
"She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes...."
"That was lovely Chiwawa." Chimama says sweetly. She and Chiwawa are sitting under a weeping willow a few yards from the castle.
"I'm so happy, Chimama. I can't believe tomorrow is the big day. After five months of waiting!"
"Yes, I just hope Jenni doesn't go insane before tomorrow. You didn't see her tearing around the castle earlier."
"No but believe me. I've seen her do it enough since we announced our engagement. As for her sanity..... I think that went bye-bye long ago" I personally thought this was a great line but as I said before, extended scenes of the chihuahuas didn't mesh well with the purpose of this newsletter, John/Andrew.
"Chiwawa! That's awful!" Chimama scolds him through her giggles.
"Well, John is taking Audrey and her out for a picnic so I think that will do all three of them good."
A few yards away stands the same mysterious figure that had been spying on John. Audrey and Jenni.
"Oh yes, it will do them all good......" The figure says ever so quietly and then cackles and runs away. It's anybody's guess who I was thinking of here. Perhaps Kiwi although that doesn't seem right considering at the beginning I had Sara returning with Audrey and myself.
Chiwawa and Chimama fail to notice this as they have now returned to reciting poetry.
That's where that draft ends. I never finished it and instead wrote the version that became N 39. In that I focused on the wedding itself sans preparations and instead of a mysterious stranger we got a frustrated magician, Cliff.
JABB 39- Draft 2
This draft is much like the previous ones. It was identical up to the scene with the chihuahuas reading poetry. The difference in that scene was that there was no mysterious voice cackling. It instead ended with "Well, John is taking Audrey and her out for a picnic so I think that will do all three of them good."
"I really hope so." Chimama replies." From there it moved into the following scene.
And so the two co-prezes and John went off for a lovely picnic. They talked of many things and when the time came to part they did so sadly, for the girls had not yet tired of their drooling and gawking. When Audrey and Jenni had returned to the castle Jenni quickly got back to the task at hand, putting the finishing touches on what was to be a flawless wedding.
"NO! NO! NO! The flowers go over there and Chiwawa!?!?! NO! We are not having a DJ at my wedding! We're having a nice big band!" Jenni now stood in the center of the great hall screaming orders.
"Your wedding? Excuse me, I was under the impression this wedding was mine and Chimama's?"
"Fine! You want this wedding to fall apart then that's fine! I'm going to my room now and I'll see you tomorrow, you ungrateful little dog!" With that Jenni stomped off upstairs. Chimama looked sadly over at Chiwawa who was very shaken by the encounter.
I think for the newsletter to really work there has to be some exagerration but I felt this was a bit much. I'm a typically calm person and at only 17 at the time felt it was a tad too unrealistic to have me go off the deep end over flower arrangements and talking about "my wedding". Plus I could never yell like that at Chiwawa :-(
The next morning the inhabitants of Dyeland all rose early to prepare for the noon wedding. Admidst the hustle and bustle of arranging food, flowers, and decorations every one failed to notice two key factors of the wedding were no where to be found.....
"Jenni, have you seen Chimama or Chiwawa lately?" Audrey asked.
"No..... Not since my little scene last night. I was actually hoping to apologize for that. I feel really bad I just wanted our little mascot's wedding to be extra-special!" With that poor Jenni dissolved into tears. What can we say? She's a tad high strung! No kidding!
Suddenly, John came running towards the two, in his tux of course. Yes, the focus on the tux was missed with the shift to the current N39.
"Audrey, Jenni you won't believe this! I just went to go check on Chiwawa and I found this!" John placed a small note in Audrey's hand.
"Dear Audrey, Jenni, and John:
Chimama and I have decided to elope.
We know everyone meant well but the
wedding was no longer what we wanted.
Therefore we have eloped and are going to be
married by Della. We will return after a two week
trip to Chihuahua.
I didn't like this idea much since the original intent was to actually "show" the wedding.
"Oh no! What have I done!?!? Now there's not going to be a wedding!" Jenni sobbed some more.
"We have all this junk and for nothing! Flowers, dresses, food, the chapel's all ready, Androolers every where, and....... John." With the final word Audrey looked curiously over at John attired in his tux, very appropriate for a groom. Suddenly, a crazed mob of Androolers flung themselves at him and several marriage proposals ensued. I did think *that* was pretty funny. I stopped writing there but then picked it up the next day. I must have been in a very weird mood.
Jenni walked tearfully away from the group, the pain of all her plans shattered around her too much to even think of John. Suddenly she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She turned around and there he was. From that day on Jenni lived her life as Mrs......... Prepare yourself for this.....
BEEP!!!! BEEP!!!! BEEP!!!!
"No...... I wanna go back to sleep! Where am I?!? Chiwawa? Chimama? John?"
"Jenni! Thank goodness you're up!" Audrey cried.
"What happened? Where am I? Are Chiwawa and Chimama back? Where is he?" Jenni inquired beginning to become worried.
"You're at Dyeland. We were writing the Valetine's issue of JABB and you just passed out! As for Chiwawa and Chimama they got married five months ago! They're living a couple miles away."
"Then it was all a dream." Jenni said sadly.
"Yes, I guess so but John stopped by and left us a box of chocolate. How about we have a TBAA marathon and snack on that.
"Hey TBAA and chocolate always good by me!"
And that is how our JABB coprezes spent Valentine's day!
Once again having the Jabbins being married 5 months earlier was not what I'd intended with this story. But as you can see I'd pretty much lost it by that point which is why you have a dreamed proposal from John (that was just too bizarre for even me to keep). However, I'd still not entirely decided what to do with this issue.
JABB 39- Draft 3
Apparently I'd not entirely given up on the idea of a kidnapping. You can see evidence of this in the final draft before I wrote the actual newsletter.
The guests had assembled for a very special JABB event: the wedding of JABB's mascot Chiwawa and his childhood sweetheart, Chimama. The couple was very happy and had awaited this day for many months. Little did they know what would become of their happy day!
"Silverware, napkins, plates, china, table clothes. Okay! Everything looks good here!" Jenni cried cheerfully and she walked around Dyeland Castle's grand hall preparing for the reception that would take place there tomorrow.
"Great! Everything is coming along great in the kitchen." Audrey replied as she stepped out from a side door connecting the hall to the kitchen.
"Just think, this time tomorrow our baby will be married! Seems like only yesterday he was a cold chihuahua in Northern Ireland." Jenni lamented as her eyes misted over.
"I know, time really does fly!" Audrey replied.
Suddenly the conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Audrey and Jenni raced for the door hoping to find the much awaited best man standing there. Instead the found only a note which read:
To whom it may concern:
I have kidnapped your precious Angelboy.
To retrieve him you must come to my lair.
Attached you will find a map.
That was as far as that version of the story got. I still don't like having John absent from the story and kidnapped by who knows who but I do think the characterizations of Jenni and Audrey were much better in that short passage.
JABB: The Musical
This idea really never happened but I did write a bit of it before forgetting about the idea. It had been hinted at in various other issues. The idea behind this entry was that it was supposed to be a commercial advertising for a new musical about the history of JABB. Now for the first time- The Musical.
You've read the newsletters! You've visited the websites! You may have even chatted on the list! Now you can enjoy JABB in a whole new way......
JABB: The Musical Extravaganza
Follow the story of two young women as they bring an online newsletter to hundreds of subscribers!
Featuring John as the object of the JABBers affection! Drool as he sings his hit song A Man and Majorly Droolable.
John: "I am the very model of a man, and totally droolable.
I love my fans of course but I think they're way fanatical.
They drool all over and I doubt that it's hygienical.
Oh well, at least they let me sing this little canticle."
"We drool all over and it's not hygienical
but at least we let him sing this little canticle"
John: "Andrew is the angel I always play most loyally
TBAA on Sunday my fans watch most joyfully.
My face can portray feelings sometimes woefully
Other times I can smile most beautifully!"
JABBers: His face can portray feelings sometimes woefully
Other times he can smile most beautifully!
(Think Pirates of Penzance)
Then there's the striking ballad of the coprezes!
Audrey and Jenni:
"We're only thinking of him. We're only thinking of him.
This was originally supposed to be a spoof of a song from "The Man of La Mancha" but as you can see it didn't get very far.
Unfortunately danger is never far away from JABB!
I was unable to come up with a suitable song for her. Plus by this time we'd kinda drifted to having fake people be villians.
And what musical hit based on an Internet newsletter would be complete with out a forbidden love!
I loved you once in silence
And mystery was all I knew.
Trying to keep my love for John showing
All the while, not showing my love for you.
Yet, you loved me in lonesome silence,
Of course you did cause this is my fantasy, made of air
My love, I did call you by one letter.
And they'd never know the "ictor" was there.
Then one day I gave away the secret ending.
The raging secret I held inside would hold no more.
The silence at last was broken
Your name would be V no more.
With joyous words of love your name was spoken
and now there's twice as many laughs,
twice the craziness for us; twice our loony pair
twice the fun for us as we had known before.
V:The silence at last was broken
I flung wide Dyeland's castle door.
J:With joyous words of love my name was spoken
V:and after all has been said
Here we are my love;
J: singing a crazy song, And really far, my love
Both: from the sanity we knew before.
Who let *that* into this commercial!?!?
And how did I even write that with out hitting myself? I don't know but there it is! I ended up not liking the song as I thought it gave a false image of the relationship between Jenni (my character, not me) and Victor. In reality, I only had a crush on the actor and would rather die than sing that stuff to him. I felt my character should reflect myself more in that aspect. BTW, the song parodied is in "Camelot."
Andrew in Jail
This story began at the height of my obsession with this theme. I can't remember why I gave up on the idea, perhaps a better idea came up.
In a tragic string of events Andrew, the beloved Angel of Death, has been put in prison! Will his drooling fans leave him in that cold, dark cell?!?!? Let's see........
It's a cold, dark night. A group of people are gathered in a large house. This house on Androoler Avenue has become the official head quarters for JABB. (This apparently predated the creation of Dyeland since it 1. has very few houses and 2. if it has streets they have not been named.) The house which is usually filled with happiness and laughter is now very quiet. The people are gathered in one room. On a platform stand Audrey and Jenni, the Co-presidents of JABB. A small dog named Chiwawa stands near them. They are waiting, waiting for the words that will either strike dread or joy in their hearts........
Suddenly, Jarrod and Sara run into the room out of breath. The JABBers only stare as they make their way to the platform. All eyes are on them.
Jarrod steps up to the podium on the platform, Andrew's picture is on the front of course!
"JABBers, with great sadness I must inform you that Andrew has been taken to jail and awaiting trial.....for murder." Jarrod says.
Silence is no more as the JABBers break into screams, gasps, and a couple faints.
"We must get him out!" They all cry.
That's all the further I got but I would like to come back to
this idea one day. I sorta worked with the idea in Newsletter 68
but that was only a dream. (Update 1-5-06: And come back
to it I did! Click
for "Nor Iron Bars a Cage.")
A Halloween Story
The following was to be our second Halloween issue.
Halloween night was calm and clear. The moon shone brightly as the children ran from house to house gathering their treats. Audrey and Jenni watched the spectacle from the front window of JABB Headquarters. Jenni was dressed in her angel/hippie costume and Audrey was dressed as _______. Apparently Aud didn't have a costume idea yet by the time this idea was axed. They ran to the door at the sound of the trick or treaters and oohed and aahed over the pirates, princesses, and action heroes. But it was growing late and the steady stream of children made way for an occasional visitor.
"What time is it?" Audrey asked.
"About 10. I guess we could head home. Near as I can tell JABB Headquarters was in fact a place located on Earth. Dyeland was a very new idea at this point and had only been mentioned once. Probably won't be any more trick-or-treaters tonight. See ya!" Jenni called as she begin to gather up candy wrappers and a few TBAA tapes.
"Good night. I'll talk to you tomorr....." Audrey was interrupted by an urgent knock at the door.
"I guess there are still a few kids out there," Jenni was headed to the door with Audrey behind her.
"TESS!" The two cried in unison.
"Hello, babies. Mind if I come in?" Tess walked into the room as the stunned co-prezes stared. Audrey was the first to gather her senses.
"Tess, what are you doing here? I mean its not that you're not welcome but this is really odd."
"Well, we've had a little problem. See Monica is assigned to chaperon a High School costume party/ dance. God help her! Anyway, Andrew was supposed to go with her but as he approached the entrance the doorman appeared. Dressed as the Grim Reaper."
"Oh no! Poor Andrew. Where is he now?" Jenni asked.
"Well, you see that's the thing. He just ran off! We don't know! I was going to go look for him but I can't leave Monica alone with that party." Tess explained.
"That's too bad Tess I wish we could help." Audrey replied.
"Well....." A Look appeared on Tess's face.
"Oh no but umm.... How? I don't know...." The other two began to mumble.
"Well, I suppose we could just leave him out there.... Alone, sad, wandering around with that adorable look on his face.... I guess I'll be going." Tess turned to leave. I did really like Tess in this story.
"NO! We'll go! We'll go!"
"Great! Gotta get back to the High School! God bless ya babies!" With that Tess disappeared.
Audrey and Jenni simply stared at each other for a few moments.
"Okay if I were the angel of death on Halloween where would I be?" Jenni pondered.
"Well, I sure wouldn't be here," Audrey glanced around the room covered with pictures of Andrew and quotes from TBAA etched into the wall. "Let's go get the car. And I'm driving! I don't want to end up in Virginia again!"
"I won't argue. Let's just hurry! We've gotta find him!"
And there it ends. I think I ended up deciding that having Andrew freak out and runaway just cause of a costume was a bit ridiculous.
Suddenly Clara and Jenni stood on a hill overlooking what appeared to be a small village. A tiny dog stood shivering on a sidewalk. He looked as if he'd not eaten in several days. He started across the street and then suddenly a car came towards him in the other direction.
"NO!!! Chiwawa!!" Jenni screamed as she flew down the
hill and towards the street. She breathed a sigh of relief
as she saw the dog had made his way across the street. "Oh
Chiwawa! You poor thing! What in the world are you
doing out here when it's this cold? I thought you and the
family were staying in Dyeland for the holidays? Chiwawa?"
"He can't speak." Clara said quietly.
"Well, what do you mean!? I know he can!
Chiwawa! Oh please, are you mad at me, too?"
"He doesn't see you and even if he did he couldn't speak to you." Clara explained. "For him you never existed."
"But.... John still sent him his hair and they still met. I
remember, it's all in JABB."
"No, when Audrey found out about John's hair she also found out
about Chiwawa. When you two met him he realized he had the
ability to speak. You also took him with you into
Dyeland. Now..... now he's lives on the streets of Northern
Ireland, searching for food, alone." (I don't
get why, if Audrey was the one to learn about John's hair and
Chiwawa, that JenniAnn's [as the character should have been
called, not Jenni] absence would have this effect. This
may very well be a flaw in the story even in its final
form. I'm not sure, not having read it in a good long
"But what about Chimama? And the puppies?" Jenni persisted.
"Chimama was puppynapped long ago."
"Well, yes but Chiwawa found her in Sara's..... Oh
no. There is no Dyeland. So where is she?" (Sara should be Kiwi here, btw.)
"No one knows. But let's leave here. There's more you need to see." Clara insisted as Jenni watched the scene of the small dog disappear.
Suddenly Jenni found herself right in the center of the Castle ballroom. She gazed in horror at what appeared to be a battle between Kathleen and Andrew.
"STOP! Kathleen! You leave here, NOW! Oh yes,
you may have duped me but I see who you are now. You have no
place here and I order you to leave!" Jenni screamed as she stood
in front of Andrew, facing Kathleen. (Yep, that's right. Short, non-athletic JenniAnn
was going to protect manly, well-built, immortal Andrew from a
demon with her body. It makes *perfect* sense.)
Suddenly a large noise was heard. Andrew and Jenni
stared in wonder as the tree came back together and Kathleen
disappeared. (I have no idea why she disappeared.
Lucky them I guess!)
Jenni turned towards Andrew. "Oh Andrew, I'm so sorry I let this happen! And that you had to stay in here alone with her for so long!"
"You just wanted to believe the best in her. But?
What do you mean leaving me alone for so long? It couldn't
have been more than 5 minutes, if even that!"
"But... I...." Jenni found herself speechless.
"C'mon! Let's go get the others!"
And then I suppose it was to end as the real JABB
I'd like to note this wasn't the last time Kathleen appeared
in a Christmas themed newsletter. In our most recent issue, JABB
181, a reformed
Kathleen acts as Mary in Tess' Christmas pageant. I
always secretly hoped TBAA would have resolved Kathleen's
story more. Perhaps had her appear as Rafael, Adam, Sam,
and Co. did in the finale. But, alas, they did
not. So I did. Because I can. Fans'
rights! Ooh... that's a good idea... We should
write some up... :-)
This was my original draft of the first part of my series on JABB's history. The series was also started cause I was getting pulled back into my "Beauty and the Beast" craze and was really liking the whole paranormal idea at the time. There's some stuff I really liked about this draft but some of it.... You'll see.
"Oh my gosh, I cannot believe this! How could they do this!?!" Jenni yelled as she snatched a newly printed paper off the printer and headed to the door of her office. She slammed the door behind her as she exited the room and headed to the steps of Dyeland Castle. Once down the stairs Jenni ran to the nearby living room where Andrew and Audrey were seated.
See at the time I was really trying to make my character and myself a little more similar. I'm generally pretty calm and this just wasn't working. I do, admittedly, have a flare for the dramatic but I just thought this was overdone.
"Look at this! An email from my mom. Just read it!" Jenni said as she threw the sheet of paper at Audrey.
Audrey and Andrew were both used to this now typical dramatic outburst but nonetheless Andrew began to read the letter out loud.
Your dad and I have been thinking a lot lately. We're really glad you've found a great group of friends but we're concerned. After your problems with those diseases (what was it you called them? Andrew-dye-pression?) we've decided you're not quite ready to be living with out some adult supervision. We also heard something about you getting kidnapped which worried us. Understandably, we think. Why didn't you tell us this?? Anyway, we're sending someone to stay with you, at least for a little while. Expect him around 3 on the 24th.
Andrew handed the letter back to Jenni and waited for the next outburst.
"So?! Isn't that awful?!" Jenni asked.
"You go first." Andrew whispered to Audrey.
"But I had to get her calmed down last time!" Audrey replied.
This is one thing I liked. I felt the characterizations were a lot more funny in this version. Unfortunately it was either having myself be rather wrathful or a few funny lines. So I went with another, toned-down version.
"Fine!" and Andrew turned to face Jenni and began. "Well, see here's how I see it. You're their first born. You've hardly ever been away from them and now you're in a totally different world. Then all they ever hear about it is the bad stuff. They have a right to be worried, Jenni."
"Yeah, I guess but...... I mean you're an angel! What can be safer than that?"
"I'm only here when I'm not working and sometimes that isn't very often. Besides, who's to say this person won't be fun to be around?" Andrew continued.
"Yes, let's just all wait. They're supposed to come in about three hours. No sense worrying any more about it until then." Audrey finished and Jenni nodded, sane again (well as much as she can ever be.)
Three Hours Later
Audrey, Andrew, and Jenni were once again sitting in the living room all glancing nervously at each other. Suddenly, there came the knock at the door.
"You get it!" Jenni pointed to Audrey.
"No way! I'm not the reason whoever it is is here. You get it!" Audrey shot back.
Jenni looked pleadingly at Andrew.
"Oh fine. I'll answer it but you're going to come with me." Andrew got up and held his hand out to Jenni, refusing to move until she, too, stood up. Quietly and shyly she followed the angel to the door and stepped behind him as he opened the door, she would just be able to peek over his shoulder and see the person at the door. I thought this was cute. I wish I coulda kept it :-) When the door was open enough to see the visitor a scream shook the entire castle and Jenni fell to the floor. Here I was concerned my fellow BatB fans would think I was screaming at Vincent's appearance. Actually it was that I was shocked after seeing him after 4 years. However, I was uneasy with what could be construed from this faint. But I tried to continue anyway....
An Hour Later
"Is she coming to?" Andrew asked from the corner of the living room.
"Yeah, I think so." Audrey answered from her position beside the couch that Jenni was now occupying.
"My apologies for this. I had no idea she would have that reaction. I told her parents that I should perhaps call ahead but they said they wanted her to be surprised." A man's voice answered from a shadowy corner of the room.
"Oh, don't feel bad. She must have just been shocked, seeing you after..... was it her freshman year of high school you said you last saw her?" Audrey questioned.
"Yes, over four years now." Okay, the backstory on this is that during my freshman year I was obsessed with BatB. BatB aired originally in the late 80s and I'm following that timeline. However, here I'm pretending that BatB was never a TV show and that everyone was in fact real. I somehow heard about these people during my freshman year and ended up meeting them. It's kinda shaky but I just really wanted Vincent in this story and that was the best explanation I could come up with.
"Definitely shock then. She's easily surprised.... I'm sorry what was your name again?" Audrey asked.
"Vincent, his name is Vincent." Jenni answered as she slowly got up.
The man in the corner began inching his way towards Jenni and Audrey got to see for the first time how trully striking he was. Vincent stopped a couple feet in front of where Jenni was sitting and spoke.
"I'm sorry, I had not thought that after so many years I must be rather a surprise to look at."
"Oh no! It's not that at all but.... Four years. So much has happened. And I mean I never thought I'd see you here. I mean with your son, Jacob, and all to take care of... Wait, my parents didn't make you come here?" Jenni prattled as Audrey moved closer to Andrew and the two wondered what exactly was going on.
"No, no. Jacob is away for a few weeks with friends in Florida and my father thought it would be best I took a vacation as well. I figure there was no better place than a magical kingdom." Vincent explained.
See I felt this passage seemed a little out of place. I never intended to go into much detail about Vincent's life. However, once again I didn't want any BatB fans thinking I was being selfish. My problem was Vincent had a son and how selfish is it for me, not even a minor anymore, to take some kid's dad away. So I invented this scenario that Jacob, his son, was with some friends in Florida thus making it more reasonable for Vincent to be in Dyeland.
"Well, then, great! This is so cool! I can't wait to show you all the castles. Oh and we have a magician and there's some talking animals and well, let's go!" Jenni bolted up from the couch followed by the others.
The group had returned after giving Vincent a tour of the islands. The Dyelanders had been very impressed by Vincent. Jenni had seen to it that he'd met every last one to ensure that they would not later think Vincent was in fact a code name and Victor had returned. (Threats of impeachment were not something Jenni wanted to live over again.) And yet only a couple months later I tried to get an impeachment trial going over my obsession with an actor known only as S. Go figure! Andrew had returned to his house and requested that Vincent stop by for a visit. The two sat down at his kitchen table for a chat. The minute Vincent had sat down Andrew began.
"So how long did you know Jenni?"
"Well, she somehow happened upon my home late 1996. The whole dimensional traveling thing apparently. We visited every so often for about 5 months but then you know, she had school and I'm a single father. Big mistake. It's still debated whether or not Vincent would be single supposing he was real and currently living. Plus I don't think she needed a pretend big brother, which is what I was, so much anymore. Until now apparently." Vincent answered. Okay, so here I show how I found Vincent and his friends, somehow slipped into some portal sending me to their home. I didn't actually switch dimensions since we all know NYC is on earth. However, somehow I guess I got to NYC a lot faster than a plane. :-)
"Right, okay so it's been a while since you've seen her. Listen to me very carefully. I like her and this whole JABB thing, really I do. But..... well.... just read this." Andrew handed Vincent a sheet up paper which read:
Top Ten Reasons Andrew Thinks the Creators of JABB are Wacky
1. Because every last one of their friends agrees with him.
2. Couldn't think of anything else and intended to go back, oh well!
"Yes, I see." Vincent handed the paper back to Andrew, quietly laughing.
"What?" Andrew asked. "You're laughing."
"I'm just afraid Andrew that this wackiness you write of is starting to transfer itself on to you." Vincent explained.
"Well, what do you mean?"
"You just wrote a top ten." Vincent answered smiling.
"Uggghh!" was Andrew's only reply.
I don't know. I was just having a hard time seeing Vincent laughing over a top ten. I don't know why but at this point the story just unraveled and I started completely over.
This was the original version of the annual April Fools' Joke. I continuously kept hitting rough spots until Audrey came up with a very different idea that we ended up going with. Her version was just a lot more funny and less melodramatic. Plus it meant a conversation format. Given that we'd just had a long story only 3 issues back a different format seemed best.
It was a beautiful, sunny day in Dyeland. The last of a light snow had melted away and you could see flowers all over (because in Dyeland they grow ultra fast). Audrey and Jenni had busied themselves with spring cleaning. I did like this part. I wanted to make it clear that Audrey and I weren't the lazy, spoiled princesses in some fairy tales with a bajillion servants. There's no reason I can't clean my own windows. Jenni was washing the windows when out of them she noticed two figures on horseback. She could tell right away they were not Dyelanders, since there are so few males among the population.
"Hey Aud, come here." Jenni waved Audrey over and they both stared at the approaching men. ?
"Hmmm.... That's really weird, what reason could they have for being here? And how would they have found us?" Audrey pondered.
"I don't know but they're coming straight for the castle!" Jenni exclaimed. "Do you think we should call Andrew over here, just in case, they're, you know, dangerous?"
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
"Now that's an idea!" Andrew walked into the kitchen, followed by Vincent. The two looked out the window at the approaching figures and then proceeded to the front door and opened it.
This I had mixed feelings about. On one hand the idea of a protective Andrew and Vincent was pretty cute. On the other I kinda felt that Aud at least would have the guts to open the door. So in the version that eventually became JABB 66, Andrew opened the door only for me and the incident was played down.
"Hello, my name is Arthur and this is my friend Fred. We're princes in a neighboring dimension and had heard about your wonderful land. We'd hoped to, perhaps, get a tour. We'd heard this land was ruled by princesses Jenni and... Audrey? Is that correct?" Arthur said mentally noting that the two figures at the door looked decidedly unlike princesses.
"Yes, they rule alongside myself. I'm the president." Andrew answered.
"Oh, yes, right, very sorry. Umm...I suppose this might be a bit odd. Two strange men just showing up on your doorstep. Here, please, our IDs." Arthur and Fred handed two cards to Andrew. At this point Audrey and Jenni had also joined them at the doorstep. Andrew handed each one of them a card.
"Name: Prince Arthur Paul Roderigo Ignatius Locksley. Date of birth: October 22, 1979. Occupation: Future ruler, slayer or dragons (oh, poor dragons!), and explorer. (so I see)" Jenni read from the card, adding her own commentary. (Wanna make something up for your guy's card?) Yeah that last part was a message to Audrey. At this point I'd only wrote my side and was waiting for her side of the story.
"Please, come in and if you'll excuse us for a moment." Audrey said as she ushered the two princes into the hallway and pulled Andrew and Jenni into the kitchen while Vincent stayed out in the hallway.
"Well? What should we do? They seem harmless enough and it wouldn't hurt to make some allies in other kingdoms." Audrey reasoned.
"Good thinking. So where should we go first?" Andrew asked.
"Well..... I mean you really don't have to go. Someone should probably stay here in case something comes up." Jenni answered.
"I'm not so sure I like the idea of the two of you wandering around with complete strangers. For all we know Kiwi sent them! I refuse to go breaking into any more dungeons!" Andrew said emphatically.
"Well..... How about if we agree to only go to those places that are highly populated?" Audrey offered.
Andrew sighed. "I guess so."
Okay this I guess was my answer to the previous concern about appearing wimpy and having the males deal with them. Here I made it look like it was Andrew's concern about them and not ours that made him act protective.
"Good, then." Jenni said as the three returned to the hallway.
"Well, let's go!" Audrey said as she and Jenni exited the castle with the princes.
"Oh! And this is one of my favorite parts of Dyeland!" Jenni said to Arthur as she hopped into a small sailboat headed towards Laughingly. She and Arthur had went their seperate ways from Audrey and Fred. It was nearly time to return home and Jenni had insisted Arthur see the amusement park while Audrey had decided to take Fred to see the Whispering Woods.
"This is quite amazing," Arthur said following her. "In our world we're not near so advanced. You say yourself and Audrey did all this?"
"Oh, yes, we thought it up and designed everything but Cliff, our magician friend, does most of the building."
"Right and Andrew and this John you speak of?"
"Oh, well, they are our inspiration. Dyeland is home to several of their fans. They both stop by when they can but they are busy with their work. Andrew is our president, too."
"And this Vincent fellow. Quite..... interesting."
"He's a family friend." Jenni said a bit defensively as is her habit. Yes, I like defending Vincent. Spent a good deal of conversation with my brother during freshman year of High School doing that. :-) "My parents wished me to have a guardian here so they asked him."
"Right, right. Very good." Arthur noticed the boat was now nearing the shore of Laughingly and the two exited and headed towards the carousel.
(Okay, now a scene with you two maybe?) Once again another comment directed towards Audrey. Of course, in the version we actually used Fred was an Earth man and therefore they would not have had scenes in Dyeland. That change actually made the whole story. It changed from Audrey and I conspiring against Andrew to run off and marry our respective princes to Audrey and I arguing with each other about the validity of our relationships. I for one thought the latter made for a more funny story so I'm glad Audrey thought it up. Plus I felt bad conspiring against Andrew. :-) Interestingly enough he would conspire against me in newsletter 71...
Later that evening Jenni returned home to find Andrew anxiously awaiting her.
"Jenni! I didn't think you'd be gone so long! We have some major business to attend to! Earlier a squabble broke out about whether 4th or 5th season TBAA was better and then two of Chiwawa's puppies wandered off!"
"Oh, fine then." Jenni said reluctantly sitting in a chair near Andrew's in the ballroom.
"So did everything go okay?" Andrew inquired.
"Yes, it was quite fun watching someone see our wonderful kingdom for the first time."
"Good, I'm glad you had a nice time." Andrew smiled. "Now I've been thinking this over and I think we should build the...."
Andrew was interrupted when Audrey entered the room and Jenni immediately rushed over to her friend excited to talk about their days. Andrew looked on bewildered as the two proceeded to their rooms giggling the whole way there. Ah! I was rude to Andrew! How could I?!? It just gets worse....
The next morning Prince Arthur left the President's House where he'd stayed for the night and proceeded to the Coffeehouse where he and Jenni had arranged to meet to start the rest of their tour. They'd finished by around 3 in the afternoon and Jenni had stolen quietly back into the castle hoping to not draw any attention. She proceeded to her room where she pulled out a suitcase and began to pack. She'd hoped to have her luggage packed and then hide it in the garden where she'd pick it up late that night and depart with Arthur. Bad, bad me. Suddenly there was a polite knock at her door and she turned around, panicked, to find Vincent standing at her door looking at her curiously.
"Oh Vincent! Hi, ummm, can I help you?" Jenni said as she tried to hide her suitcase. It was in vain though for he'd all ready seen her packing it.
"Are you leaving for a trip?" He asked.
"Oh, umm, yeah. I, uhhh, wantedtogototheGlenforanightortwotocollectmythoughts." Jenni answered trying madly to keep Vincent from finding the real reason for her departure. She looked up at him trying to read in his face if he bought her lie. Suddenly something akin to panic washed over his face. Jenni tried to follow his gaze and saw that he'd been looking at her hand and the ring..... The ring! She'd forgotten to take it off! He knew everything now!
Jenni hurried over to the door and shut it behind Vincent.
"Well, I suppose there's no use now. Vincent, tonight Prince Arthur and I are going to the Chapel and getting married. Then we're going to his kingdom. I don't know when I'll be back..... Oh please be happy for me! Someone has to!"
"This is all very sudden, Jenni. Are you sure this is what you want? Do you feel you know this man well enough to enter into something this binding?" Vincent asked calmly.
Vincent said these things with a great deal of understanding but to Jenni they only sounded like criticism and a slight against her adult age.
"Yes, Vincent. I know perfectly well where my heart is leading me. I just always thought you'd rejoice with me when this time came. Good bye." Jenni grabbed her suitcase and lunged for the doorknob before a stunned Vincent had time to stop her from exiting the room. Sheesh, why not just stab the poor guy? She brushed a few tears from her eyes and slid down the stair's banister and raced outside with Vincent trailing her until he stopped at the door and realized it was no use.
Okay, that's all I wrote. I was apparently in a rather angry, sappy mood. Here's my problems with this version. 1. It just really wasn't funny. 2. What's with all this Vincent stuff? Andrew should have been more prominent (In my defense when I started this story I envisioned Audrey having a similar falling out with Andrew as I had with Vincent thus giving them equal time). 3. I was bad. Granted in Newsletter 67 we were gonna tell you all it was a joke and totally fake and not part of the "official" JABB story line like say Andrew's rescue of us from Kiwi's castle or my amnesiac episode during the 2nd anniversary. Still, I run away from Andrew mid-conversation, treat Vincent like garbage, and still run off with a stranger? Not good. I at least seemed a lil more innocent in the Newsletter 66 you all got sent to you.
JABB 68 alternate ending
In this story I dream that Andrew is imprisoned for murder. Here is when I wake up.
Jenni jumped up and nearly hit the person by her side.
"Whoa! Hey, you okay?" Andrew asked as he stood by the hammock in the Dyeland City garden.
"Andrew!" Jenni exclaimed.
"Yes..... Definitely me. You fell asleep out here and Audrey wanted you to know your report card arrived."
Jenni reached out for Andrew's hands and began frantically looking at his wrists.
"No marks... I thought the cuffs would have.... No marks... Andrew! You're free!"
"Yes..... We're all free. Are you okay?""
I, well, I dreamed you were put on trial for murder and ended up in prison! It was awful!"**
The above is contained in the actual Newsletter 68. What follows was not.
**"Oh really? And why do you suppose you dreamed that? Hey what's that you're holding?"
"Uhhh... Nothing. Just my...uhhh... journal."
"Right, you just so happen to keep TBAA fanfic in your journal? I think it's time you let the fanfic alone for a while. You probably wouldn't have these nightmares then."
"Uh, yeah, I guess."
"You know I'm really surprised you haven't written your own version of the story the way you carry on about it. Like for JABB."
"Naw, I'd never want to do that. I'd just make it really sappy and goofy. I do have some dignity and sanity left don't I? Hey..... well don't I? Well, whatever, a murder trial story will never be featured in JABB and that's that!" I guess I was trying to be ironic.... I don't know.
JABB 71- Madlib
Here's what the madlib originally read like:
With building continuing in Western Dyeland, the noise level was a little more than Jenni could handle so she left ::::Cliff:::: in charge of the site and ::::returned:::: to the Castle. She began to search the building for friends to chat with. First, she ran into Vincent who was reading ::::"Romeo and Juliet"::::.
"Hey Vincent! What'd ya say we take a walk to ::::Laughingly::::? I'm bored out of my mind!"
"I'm sorry, Jenni. I was just about to finish this and go to the mall. ::::Jacob's:::: been collecting Disney movie trading cards. (The thought of a tunnel kid collecting Disney cards irked me but I was rushed so... It was the only way I could think of to fit "hologram" in, too. Kudos to Joy, that was a real challenge.) I promised I'd look for some here. I vow that if I hear one more time about pop-up card, hologram cards, or character cards you may not be the only one to lose their mind. You are welcome to come, of course." Vincent replied showing a rare hint of annoyance. (Okay, that annoyance was not directed at me. It was a mirror of the annoyance I heard in my parents' voices when I was in the Disney card phase. :-)
"No thanks. I did my time tracking those ::::stupid:::: cards down when I was younger. See ya around!"
Jenni then proceeded to ::::the Castle's living room:::: where she found Audrey watching ::::"Meet the Parents"::::. (The most recent movie I'd seen. Hilarious.)
"Hey Aud! How about a walk or even a shopping trip?" Jenni asked.
"Nope, sorry. This ::::Ben Stiller:::: is ::::hilarious::::! Maybe later."
Jenni left the room and walked over to City Hall to find Andrew.
Andrew sat at a desk flipping through a stack of ::::papers:::: and ::::laughing:::: and occasionally ::::sighing::::. (Seriously, we don't force Andrew to do a bunch of paper work. I just needed him to be doing some kind of Dyeland-type work.)
"Hey, oh ::::great:::: and ::::powerful:::: president!" Jenni greeted the angel with a ::::laugh::::.
"Hey! How are you, Jenni?"
"Bored, what do you say to taking a break and going for a walk?" Jenni asked.
"Sounds ::::great::::! Let's go." Andrew replied.
With that Jenni and Andrew left to walk to ::::the Glen of Goodness::::. They climbed ::::mountains::::, sailed, and picked ::::flowers::::. At last, they settled down near the lake for a break and a chat.
"Andrew, there's something I wanted to tell you." Jenni began shyly.
"Yes?" Andrew said as he ::::skipped rocks.::::
"You're a great ::::president:::: and ::::angel:::: and I don't think I tell you that enough. You've been so accepting of ::::Vincent:::: and all my insanities." (Awww...)
"Well, thank you, and it's been a pleasure being here." Andrew answered as a ::::bird:::: ::::flew:::: by eating a ::::worm::::.
Andrew and Jenni spent several hours watching nature and its creatures. Finally they returned home to the castle for dinner and Audrey said "::::Hey, welcome back":::: as they entered and settled down for the meal.
JABB 74- Vincent's Dream
Vincent, too, had drifted into a dreamfilled sleep. In it he was walking in some woods. Suddenly behind a tree a woman appeared, the one he'd seen standing behind Jenni earlier in the day. He stepped toward her but she ducked behind the tree again and disappeared. Then again he saw her a few feet off. This continued for what seemed like many minutes for him. Then suddenly he came out of the woods and was near a cabin. At the door stood the woman. He walked towards her and when he was about 10 feet away she flung what appeared to be a picture frame at him. His hands flew up to his face to shield himself from the shards of glass he was sure would fall from the frame upon hitting him. However, when the picture was still five feet away it shattered on it's own and out flew a piece of paper with a map that landed at his feet. He reached to pick it up and....
He woke up.
I took this out because
the story was about the history of Dyeland and me, Audrey, and
John. Vincent really didn't have a big part in that story and
I felt it best to leave the major parts of the story to A/J,
Audrey, and myself.
Cut Part 2
|Author's Cut Part 3|
|Author's Cut Part 4|
|Author's Cut Part 5|
Cut Part 6
Cut Part 7
(Photo Credits: The photograph used on this page is from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions. It is not being used to seek profit.)