Usually
I write JABB
stories more
or less
chronologically.
I have general
ideas about
where the
characters
will be in,
say,
2020.
However, I
don't want to
write so far
in advance in
case real life
situations
necessitate a
change.
However, the
images for
this
Mick-centric
story came so
strongly that
I had to write
this
now. So
I did!
(Typed
out 9-10-10)
Thoughts
on
JABB 313-
"Safe"
Since
this story
involved a lot
of me trying
to cope with
some
shattering
events from
2010, I didn't
want to get
too far into
2011 without
doing
this.
Sometimes it
just helps for
me to ramble
here before I
can fully move
on from a
story.
And "Safe" was
one that
especially
impacted me
and thus needs
a proper good
bye. So
here goes...
Andrew has a
nightmare.
The story
originally
started with
Andrew in his
temporary
abode but I
really wanted
to set the
mood right
off. And
a nightmare
seemed to do
it.
Pretty
chilling.
And it kinda
shows how, in
a way, Andrew
has
changed.
The Andrew of
TBAA never
slept let
alone
dreamed... and
certainly
never had a
nightmare.
But the Andrew
of TBAA also
hadn't taken a
group of
humans under
his
wings.
That alters a
person in the
way that
becoming a
parent gives
birth to all
new worries
and
concerns.
In typical
Andrew
fashion,
Andrew
interprets the
dream as a
"friends in
peril... I
must save and
comfort them!"
dream.
However, LJA
gets it right
when she
realizes that
he's really
the one in
peril.
So then he
wakes up and,
thanks to God,
calls
LJA. I
don't have
much to say
about that
conversation
except I
really like
how they kinda
tease each
other even as
they have this
serious
conversation.
In the wake of
the events of
"When You are
Real," I just
think that
things would
have to be
easier between
them.
LJA wouldn't
be worried
about
eventually
having to let
him go and he
wouldn't be as
worried about
the fact that
he's holding
her back from
some great
romance.
(At this point
I think his
only concern
as far as that
is the whole
her not being
able to have
kids thing but
I think he
understands
she shouldn't
be
married.)
So they can be
cheerier cause
it's all more
stable.
I did worry
that maybe
Andrew really
was too old to
be making late
night phone
calls brought
on by
nightmares.
However... as
I write LJA I
know she's
often told him
to call
whenever.
And so,
really, he was
only doing
what she'd
asked and he
legitimately
did want to
know if
everyone was
all right.
A flashback
nightmare.
It's long
bugged me that
I never
actually wrote
a story about
what brought
on Andrew's
"breakdown."
It's just been
alluded to a
lot. I
didn't have
time for a
full story now
but this
flashback hits
the major plot
points.
Also, I was
psyched to be
able to
finally use
those Arnold
poems which
have long
reminded me of
Andrew and the
Dyelanders and
"Excuse"
screams Andrew
and LJA.
To some
extent, the
entire Andrew
and LJA story
has just been
my attempt to
reclaim a
less-sexualized
view of
romance (via
LJA), passion
(via them
both... the
word, of
course, does
not always
imply sexual
desire which
is just one of
many
definitions
offered up by
Merriam
Webster), and
behavior
between
members of the
opposite
gender.
I love that in
older movies
the directors
and actors
often depicted
passion and
intense
emotion
without any
need to show
the two people
tearing their
clothes
off.
Think of the
post-telephone
call scene
between Mary
and George in
It's
a Wonderful
Life.
It's
phenomenal.
Obviously, I
can't create
anything
nearly that
impressive.
But it's kinda
the feeling I
was going for
when LJA
starts crying,
sinks against
Andrew, he
holds her, and
then she pulls
away.
There just
aren't that
many scenes in
movies or TV
shows today
wherein you
can see
something like
that and not
have to shoo
any children
out of the TV
room.
All that being
said, I'm not
anti-sex at
all. But
those stories
are being
told.
Even by me
(though not
explicitly,
natch).
Of my Dyeland
characters,
half are
sexually
active.
But some
balance would
be good.
Also... it's
kinda my way
of combating
the
shippers.
You can write
emotionally
intense plots
without
murdering
Andrew's good
character and
moral being,
thank you very
much. He
said he's not
romantically
inclined...
depict him
otherwise and
claim it's
still TBAA and
you've made
him a liar or
worse.
I miss
Logan...
I always
really liked
him. You
can have all
the vampire
fun with him
without the
angst.
I'm glad I
thought to
include him
here and I can
totally see
him going into
hero worship
of
Andrew.
So it was cool
to have him be
able to help
his role
model.
One of the
first things I
decided about
this story was
that I wanted
it to be like
"We Trust" but
with one big
exception: God
was not going
to ask the
Dyelanders to
accompany
Andrew.
The idea had
to come from
them.
With His
blessing, yes,
but from their
own hearts and
minds.
So I really
like the scene
of the Dyeland
women at the
Cafe where
each and every
one decides
they want to
help
Andrew.
Cause it's
pretty
humbling and
encouraging to
know that
people want to
be there for
you as opposed
to being there
for you out of
a sense of
duty or
religious/spiritual
obligation.
Andrew
deserves to
know that
feeling.
Andrew's
arrival back
at his house
where he's
surprised to
find Eli and
LJA was
actually the
first scene I
wrote.
Beyond that,
nearly
everything was
written
chronologically.
One thing I
really liked
about that
scene is that,
for once,
LJA's depicted
as believing
that her love
for Andrew is
most
definitely NOT
the central
relationship
in her
life.
It's her and
God, as it
should
be. She
would, if she
had to, be
obedient to
God even if it
hurt
Andrew.
That being
said, I'm sure
she hopes it
never, ever
comes to
that.
Andrew, of
course,
quickly sees
that he was
wrong to think
he knew better
than God what
she should do.
On a lighter
note, I had
fun writing
Andrew
temporarily
breaking from
his serious
concern for
LJA's safety
to be all
gentlemanly
and big
brotherly and
ponder how to
go about
living with
her without
creating
fodder for
gossip.
Cause he knows
she goes to
pieces over
stuff like
that. Of
course, he
doesn't end up
needing to do
anything about
it. But
it was just
amusing to
think of
Andrew
thinking
"Okay...
there's a girl
in my house
and she's not
leaving and...
what the heck
am I supposed
to do!?!"
In that scene,
I also like
the part where
Andrew is
envying LJA's
certainty.
Because I
think that's
an important
point to
make. I
think LJA's
position is
enviable.
She loves
Andrew and
just sees that
as reason
enough to be
with him and
support
him.
It's easy for
her to put
herself on the
line.
But Andrew's
infinitely
more
mature.
Andrew's seen
so much
more. He
may very much
want to have
her and the
others near
but it's
difficult for
him to put
their lives on
the
line. It
goes against
ever fiber of
his being,
really.
Andrew isn't
used to
putting
himself first
or thinking
that anyone
else
does.
He's much more
torn between
options and
dueling
desires.
Here's my one
big regret and
this is mostly
why I'm
writing this
now.
Hopefully,
some day in
the future, I
can come back
and read this
and know why I
made certain
decisions.
But mostly I
hope I read
this part and
complete
something I
should have
and
missed.
So here goes:
I wish at some
point I would
have had a
part where the
idea of
something bad
happening to a
Dyelander was
discussed in a
more hopeful
way. In
this story,
everyone just
seems to think
"What if one
of us was
murdered?"
But the fact
is people
survive
terrible
things all the
time. It
would have
been nice to
have had a
discussion in
which someone
said to Andrew
something like
"I know it
would tear you
up to see one
of us
harmed.
But I just
have to
know... if we
survived it...
would you feel
any
differently
about
us?
Would you...
would you be
able to be
there for us
or would you
just... just
beat yourself
up and stay
away?"
Then Andrew
could have
assured them
that, no
matter what,
he would
always love
them and
certainly
never blame
them or think
less of
them.
And that he
would do
anything and
everything he
could for
them.
So...
something to
put on the ol'
to-do
list.
ETA: Okay... I
must have been
really tired
when I wrote
the Andrew and
LJA dancing
scene cause I
forgot part of
it that pretty
well
accomplishes
the
above.
Here's an
excerpt from
it: "Laja,"
he [Andrew]
began, "if
something...
if something
had happened
to you that
made it
difficult for
you to trust
me, but I knew
you wanted
what we have
now... the
dancing and
the hugs and
all of that...
I would have
been
patient.
And I would
have taken my
cues from
you.
Because I
still would
have loved
you. And
I still would
have wanted
you in my
life." So
never
mind...
No need to put
that on my
to-do
list.
Good job
sleep-deprived
me, getting
things done.
The laundry
argument makes
me
happy.
Andrew is an
archaic
gentleman with
a devilish
sense of
humor.
Waggish.
I should use
that word more
for him in
those
moods.
His unmade bed
amuses me,
too.
Another thing
that I don't
really wish I
had done but I
wish there had
been a way to
do is to not
have had this
be about
rape-by-stranger.
Because, in
reality, the
majority of
sexual
assaults are
perpetrated by
someone the
victim
knows.
However,
plot-wise,
that wouldn't
work with this
story.
Assumedly,
were that the
case, after
the first
victim the ID
of the
attacker
should have
been
known.
Also, like I
said in the
intro, the
story idea
came to mind
when my city
was freaked
out because we
had not one
but two serial
rapists
running
around.
So while that
scenario is
not the most
common one, it
does
happen.
So I think
it's okay I
went that
route with
this
story.
But I think
the
acquaintance
stat is
important to
remember.
I've watched a
lot of SVU in
my day but the
scenes that
have Andrew
and/or Jonah
hearing the
rape
survivors'
testimony were
really hard to
write.
Molly's was
difficult but
Erica's even
more so.
I hope I did
them
justice.
That was a
HUGE
difference for
me between
this and "We
Trust."
Dawn wasn't
around to
speak about
what she
suffered.
That made it a
lot easier to
write than
this one.
Now that there
is a Beth
(Turner), I
wonder if we
could drop
having the
Dyelanders use
simply "Beth"
in place of
"Lady Beth"
when
non-Dyelanders
are
around?
I mean,
really, Lady
Beth isn't
that odd of a
name to
have.
Especially not
these
days.
Cause it's
kinda
confusing
having 2
Beths.
Another thing
I'd like to
explore more
in a later
story are the
parallels
between Andrew
and
Vincent.
If this story
hadn't already
been so long,
I would have
liked to have
had more
scenes with
the two of
them.
While I like
that Vincent
confides to
Yva about how
seeing Andrew
struggle has
made him
regret all the
time he
resented his
unique
abilities to
protect
others, it
would have
been nice to
have the two
men talk about
that. I
also think it
would have
been good to
have them
simply talk
about their
feelings, as
men, when they
hear about
other men
terrorizing
women.
But that
latter bit
seemed so far
beyond my
experience
that I didn't
trust myself
to write it.
This exchange
between LJA
and Vincent
right before
Jonah calls
about Erica
ended up being
so strangely
prescient.
I had begun to
write this
story a while
before the
sudden and
tragic death
of someone I
worked
with.
After she
passed and I
got back to
this, I read
these words
I'd written
only days
before: "Drawing
away to try to
circumvent the
pain may seem
like a fine
idea but you
will never
know what
miracles you
might also
foil.
But I know
that you would
hurt Andrew
very
much. Be
with him for
as long as you
can and
then... then
you must do
what,
eventually, we
all must: move
on and trust
those you
leave behind
to God."
This
young woman
who died was
newly married
and I was just
so heartbroken
to think of
her new
husband.
But reading
those words
came to mean a
lot.
Because they
helped me move
from a place
of "Why did
God let him
fall in love
only to take
her away?" to
"He had months
of bliss and
love and those
memories will
comfort
him." So
this story
really did
help me.
When Tess
responds to
LJA's angry
question about
why God is
giving Andrew
such difficult
assignments, I
think that may
be the first
hint in these
that Dyeland
is a sort of
long-term
assignment for
Andrew.
I haven't
quite sussed
out the
details.
But I think
his
involvement
with the
people there
is part of
God's plan for
his
advancement as
an angel.
It took me an
insanely long
time to settle
on "nearly 200
pound man" as
a descriptor
for Andrew
when LJA's
trying to put
Erica at ease
with the tale
of Lulu and
Andrew.
I have no
sense of
weight.
I almost wrote
that he was
nearly 300
pounds after
some guy told
me he weighed
nearly
that.
And that guy
looked to have
Andrew's
build. I
now suspect
said guy was
pulling my leg
or else had
metal bones
cause
otherwise that
would mean he
and Andrew
were severely
obese.
(So sayeth the
BMI calculator
which I wound
up having to
use.) I
should not
take people
literally...
Even at
"nearly 200,"
that's probly
a bit of an
over-statement
but since LJA
said it, I
think it makes
sense.
She probly
doesn't have a
clue and
thinks Andrew
is really
strong and
manly so
probly
reflects that
when she
guesses at his
weight.