Whoda thunk this thing woulda kept going on?  Not me!

God bless,
Jenni (11-10-08)

 ~ "Carry On" ~ JABB 266- "Feels Like Home" ~ "Origins" ~

~ "The Scientist" ~ "Shifting Focus" ~ Thoughts on JABB 286/287- "In the House of the Lord" ~

~ Thoughts on JABB 289- "The Past, the Present, the Future" ~
"Carry On"

Last night I watched the last "Tour of Duty" and while some parts were heartwarming, I was mostly left feeling sad.  So I  started writing the following to get it outta my system so I could sleep, not necessarily knowing if I'd finish it.  I was just going for making myself feel better right then.  And then I found out my sick grandfather has taken a turn for the worse.  So I kept going cause it was a good distraction.

This isn't how my original conception of the story went.  I had considered doing a full flashback to Andrew during the Vietnam War.  But I have no expertise in the area so that would have been difficult.  In addition, I couldn't really justify Andrew telling the women a horrific account of war.  At least not so suddenly.  If someone asked him, then maybe.  But not because of some random, accidental event like a box falling.  It's not like other times when Andrew's opened up to them: the emotions weren't fresh for him, the past assignment didn't in anyway reflect their current reality (as with his memories of the witch trials coinciding with their production of The Crucible), and telling them his experiences wasn't likely to prevent them from experiencing similar.  So Andrew remains pretty quiet here.

I also toyed with the idea of at least alluding to a character that some *might* interpret as Doc Hock to try and give that character some closure.  But, in the end, this was Andrew's story and Doc just didn't fit in this one.  Maybe some day.

As far as my sources, "Tour of Duty" was a huge influence.  Some of Andrew's dialogue in "The Homecoming, Part II" also inspired this although in that he was a hospital corpsman.  On a whim I'd done a LJA post that mentioned the Dyelanders organizing Andrew's closet for winter so that's how that came in.  And, finally, one day (while I was still living at my parents'  place) I was watching "ToD" and needed a break so went to organize my hall closet.  I opened the door and, honest to goodness, an ammo belt fell on me.  I have no idea why it was there among my skirts and hats.  My best guess is that my brother had it for a costume and shoved it in there during an emergency cleaning.  Who knows.  But that's where the falling objects idea came from.
"Carry On"

(Typed out 11-10-08)
JABB 266- "Feels Like Home"
It's been a long time, over a year apparently, since I put a commentary on these pages.  Of late I've mostly been using it just for stories.  But I think the recent stories have raised a lot of issues I'd like to say some things about.  So here's a start!

First, I think "Feels Like Home" is very much a companion piece to "We Trust to Thee."  I hope it addresses some of the more troubling issues raised in "We Trust."  While "We Trust" is, I think, my favorite story thus far I did deliberately leave some loose ends.  Questions and concerns were raised that were still (sometimes painfully) open when the story ended.  Here are the main ones for me:

1.  The Dyelanders' mortality- I think in "We Trust" there was an extent to which the women identified with and Andrew identified them with Dawn.  Her murder was troubling not just in its own right but because of this.  It presented a sort of worse case scenario on how their stories and relationships on this earth could end.  So with "Home" I wanted to present the best case scenario.  Obviously, I can't just be like "Poof!  They're all immortals now and no one will ever get sick or hurt!"  So I got to thinking about what I *could* do and that was presenting a longterm bond between a woman and an AOD who faced those inevitabilities and survived.

Sophia's story seems terribly tragic.  In the end, she can't even recognize Eli who was the love of her life.  That sure doesn't sound like a best case scenario.  But I think the important part was she made some sort of life for herself, incorporating Eli, for over 60 years.  At the end of that life, Eli was able to be there for her and bring her Home after a very full and productive life.  He has no regrets and says so.  I firmly believe she would agree.  And their bond will flourish in Heaven where the mortal/immortal divide is non-existent and likely even the human/angel divide seems not so important. 

2.  Andrew's stability and friendships- Andrew gets tremendously rattled in "We Trust" not just by Dawn's death but also Nadia's complete distancing of herself from him.  It's then the Dyelanders and Tess and Adam (and, of course, God) that help him get through that.  But I wanted to make it clear that while Andrew loves each of them very much and to some extent needs each of them, he's not destroyed when a friend falls away from him.  *If* LJA really had written that letter and this woulda been her farewell, I think once Andrew got over the shock and was finished with the documentary project, he would have grieved the loss of that friendship.  But I wanted it clear that he wouldn't have let it distract him from his other friendships.  Losing Nadia and/or LJA would be difficult but NOT insurmountable.  No one would ever take their places, yet Andrew would still love the friends he had and form new friendships with the optimism and love we all admire in him. 

3.  The Dyelanders' stability- The above being said... Andrew's not the only one with incredible stability.  In "We Trust" LJA has that conversation with Monica at the mall in which she says she has some concern about possibly falling away from Andrew.  She admits that humans are much more changeable than angels and she simply doesn't know what her future might bring.  That's part of the reason she, Yva, and Rose try to get Monica to talk more with Andrew.  While that's a legitimate concern, I wanted to present the possibility that maybe it will be a non-issue.  So I wanted to involve some scenes that demonstrated how unshakable the Dyelanders' attachment to Andrew is.  So... I had that scene with Rose and Yva visiting with Andrew in the tree house.  I wanted that to show both their friendship with him as well as their certainty that he's not going to lose them.  Then I had LJA go off on her cousin for him.  And, again, the Sophia and Eli story was to demonstrate that it *can* and at least once has worked out that an angel/human friendship did last a lifetime.

So those were the ways in which I hoped to soften some of the uncertainty in "We Trust."  I'm sure those doubts will resurface.  And maybe things won't end happily.  I can't say.  But I wanted to present a case in which they did work out.  There's hope!

Finally, it was in talking about this story that I realized how World War II-era focused some recent stories of mine have been.  Starting with "Dream" and then including "Make This Go On Forever" and "Carry On."  When I decided "Home" would be Sophia's and Eli's story (doing something with that had been in my mind for a while), I had it in my head almost immediately that they'd met during World War II.  I wasn't sure why but it just seemed set in stone.  Now I think I kind of know why.

In November my remaining grandfather passed away.  He was a Korean War veteran.  The grandpa I lost in 1998 was a World War II veteran.  I think, in some ways, in writing about Mick and JenniAnn's grandpa Connor in "Dream," the soldiers whose graves Andrew visited in "Forever," Andrew's experiences as recalled in "Carry On," and now Sophia, I've been saying good bye to that generation and beginning to make peace with the unanswered questions and lack of closure that comes with losing someone without a proper good bye.  It's one of those things that can't be avoided, even in fiction.  And it makes me very glad there's a Heaven.

I think that's it.  I did want to thank, again, the people who answered the interview questions.  The story just wouldn't have worked without them and I was really pleased with some of the back story that came from those.  So big thanks to Liz, Nicole, and Yvette for that!  I hope you enjoyed the finished product.

(Typed out 2-20-09 and 2-22-09)
"Origins"
So for a long time I've wondered about who Vincent's parents were on "Beauty and the Beast."  Finally, I decided to write a story about it since we obviously weren't gonna get answers from a long canceled TV show!  Now, I wanted to know who his parents were but that didn't mean I necessarily wanted to know the specifics of why he was as he was.  "Origins" is my attempt to give Vincent his parentage while keeping some mystery about him.  It also turned out to be really emotional to me... and 100 pages long.  If this interests you, I hope you enjoy it!  Usually I write more about a story here but I actually wrote two afterwords on the page below so I'm pretty well talked out!  Just know that this is very much different from my usual Dyeland stories.  The Dyelanders figure in but only as supporting characters, even Andrew's part is significantly smaller that usual.  I wanted this to be Vincent's, Cora's, and Lor's story. 

"Origins"
(Typed out 6-13-09)
"The Scientist"
I started this story before "Origins" but then got sucked into that and refused to leave.  Basically this is a story about: eating disorders, the bonds between the people of the Tunnels, how Andrew and Vincent became friends, how "The Scientist" by Coldplay became Andrew's and LJA's song, and how Andrew found out how LJA *really* felt about him.  And there's also some light stuff.  ;-) Due to the sensitive nature of some aspects of this story, I've password protected it. 

"The Scientist"
(Typed out 8-10-09)
"Shifting Focus"
So... I prematurely panicked when Hallmark took TBAA off their schedule.  I didn't realize it was only for the week before Halloween and that it would then return the first week of November.  In my panic, I wrote the following in which Andrew tries to creatively console LJA after she freaks out about the loss of TBAA.  Then it morphed into some sorta "resolve character issues before the mess that will be November" story.  Sorry if that sounds ominous but it is Halloween season!
"Shifting Focus"
(Typed out 10-11-09)
Thoughts on JABB 286/287- "In the House of the Lord"

I wanted to jot out some notes as I wrote this story.  However, the writing itself took every free moment I had to give.  True, I coulda foregone chores but I'm not sure piles of laundry and stacked dishes is quite worth it to me!  So it's now over 3 months later but oh well!  Due to the length of this story (the longest yet, beating out "Origins"), I doubt my ability to organize this into themes without forgetting stuff.  So I'm just jotting notes as I skim the story.  I'm going to try to stay more on top of these commentaries where they're necessary because with Dyeland growing more episodic, I'm gonna need them to remind me where I was going with ideas!  So here goes...

November 18th- First, we have the light-hearted scene between Andrew and three of the Dyelander ladies cut into by a fairly troubling Tunnel scene.  That juxtaposition was something I was really going for with this story.  I wanted  most scenes to seem very Dyeland/TBAA, I wanted others to seem like you were reading a Beauty and the Beast fic, and for others I wanted a real Moonlight feel.  I don't know if I was just especially missing those shows or what.  I think so.  But I feel like I should come up with a profound reason for wanting just the right blend.  Like I thought it would symbolize the bonds shared by these characters, how each impacts the others in their particular ways.  Something like that.  But really I just missed my shows!

November 21st- This was the first scene I wrote, I think.  I can't remember if it was first and the Vincent/LJA fight scene second or the other way around.  I *think* this was first but am not 100% positive.  Typically I write the stories chronologically but those two scenes popped into my mind so complete and so powerfully that I had to write them out first.  Anyhow, so I like this cause for just a moment (when Catherine's tearing down the stairs with the plank) I felt like I was in BatB.  And I just liked the irony of Catherine being panicked that someone's attacked LJA only to find her with the one person she feels most safe with and he's the one who's hurt. 

Speaking of Andrew being hurt... rereading this I did question the realistic-ness of him lunging at her and her then getting them seated on the floor.  I don't know how much Andrew would weigh.  But it's highly possible he's 80-90 pounds heavier than LJA.  So I don't know that it's incredibly likely she would have been able to do anything but crumple under his weight.  Yet that didn't happen.  So I did figure out some after the fact answers: 1.  Her adrenaline kicked in either from thinking she was at risk or realizing it was Andrew and panicking over seeing him like that or 2.  He did start to push her over but it really just bumped her into either the table or island so supported by that she was able to stay standing and keep enough of a hold on him to keep him from falling.  Yes, I will nit-pick even my own writing.

This was a hard scene to write cause while I think in her heart of hearts LJA knew Andrew wasn't invincible, she wanted to believe it.  But invincibility and bloodshed don't go together.  Then I think this is the first time Andrew has to outright tell her he's not.

It's just a small thing but I really loved Catherine in this scene for many reasons but mostly for this bit: "When she pulled away she noticed JenniAnn was already removing items from the refrigerator and looked on the point of tears once more.  She knew she wasn't the one able to stop them from falling."  I think Catherine, in her quiet way, was among the first (even before Vincent) to concede that LJA had irrevocably fallen for Andrew.  And Catherine knows from personal experience that while that journey was going to be hard and full of sacrifice that it's the only one LJA can take without being miserable.  So I think she trusts Andrew with her more than even Vincent does.  Vincent knows what it is to feel like you're holding a woman back from a happy life and while he eventually accepted that Catherine's happy life could only exist with him as her partner in it, some tiny part of him probly still reminds him of her sacrifices and he might project those accusations onto Andrew sometimes.  Catherine only knows that trying to live a happy life apart from the person you love is spirit-deadening and if Andrew can keep her cousin's spirit alive then she's going to let him.

LJA kinda drives me bananas with her sandwich preparation.  And yet... that's so me.  I use organizational tasks and chores like some people use sedatives.  I actually don't see myself much in LJA in this story but boy do I ever there...

With this story, I wanted to really get inside Andrew's head and his internal conflicts.  One of the conflicts that popped up the most was his own need of affection and love v. his desire to protect the Dyelanders.  The theme emerges first in his trying to decide whether to hug JenniAnn in his tattered, dingy clothes or not.  He does.  Score one for affection.  Yay!

I'm trying to remember how I got a hold of Psalm 27.  I've read the Psalms but certainly not to the point of memorization.  So how I happened up that... no clue.  I *think* it may have been a happy accident.  I'd recently purchased the Leap of Faith soundtrack and one of the tracks is entitled "Psalm 27."  So maybe I listened to that, looked up the Psalm, and knew it was a perfect fit?  I can't recall.  But I'm sure glad I found it!

Okay... it really gets me when Andrew determines that not only should LJA not walk for a bit with him when he leaves but shouldn't even so much as see him leave.  He knows her and her fears very well.  He knows she has this deep-seated fear of him disappearing.  And he knows that's a scene she would play over and over in her head.  So he simply won't allow it.  Likely he would have wanted every moment he could get with someone who loves him considering he's just been the victim of hate.  But Andrew engages in a lot of self-abnegation in this story in deference to what he thinks others need.

Enter Maggie.  In some ways, she was an expanded version of Dawn ("We Trust to Thee") to me.  We only learn about Dawn after she's already dead.  But Maggie is very much alive and we get to see her bond with Andrew as opposed to just hearing about it later.  And Andrew has already latched onto her as being very like a Dyelander.  And I love that she thinks for just a moment that Andrew's "some free love hippie."  Nothing could be further from the truth!  It's from her we learn that despite being very much in human form, Andrew isn't sleeping.

One of the things I like about the gathering of the Dyelanders in the Tunnels is that while they all band together to support Andrew, each does so in a way that works best for them.  While every so often they might drop everything to help him out, these are women with lives, responsibilities, and their own needs.  Yva has Willy and Sir Sven back in Dyeland.  Rose has to consider Aunt Josephine.  Lady Beth has her cooking hobby she needs to indulge to keep calm.  Only LJA is relatively unattached and that won't always be the case.  Andrew wouldn't want them chucking it all for him.  And I think by now they all know that.  Even when LJA does consider chucking everything, she's fully aware that it arises from her own need of him than from any demands he's making.

Oooh.  I forgot about this part:
"Wh-what's the longest you've ever known an assignment like this to last?" Rose questioned.
Adam bowed his head, his gray locks falling over his face and hiding it.  "Not counting deep cover assignments?"
JenniAnn shivered at the idea and sensed she wasn't the only one horrified by the thought.  "Not counting them."

That shiver has new significance after the Valentine's story!

Yva voices a line that's often popped into my head as I write these.  I think, were I a Dyelander, I would feel a lil ungrateful to God at times and then feel guilty about that.  All at once they are so touched and comforted by the knowledge that the AODs are with their brethren when they die... and eventually with them.  But that involves letting the AODs go.  They can't always be near by.  I imagine at times that makes the Dyelanders sad or even angry.   So I like Adam's response: the Father understands that conflict.

November 22nd- Ryan is attacked.  This makes the entire situation more serious for everyone.  It also becomes obvious to everyone that Andrew is weakening.  So much so that LJA and Rose "kidnap" him.  And for just a brief moment they're joking and smiling again.  That gives way to emotion.

I tried to do research both into attacks on the homeless and the experiences of the homeless in general.  More than anything physically, I thought about the psychological and emotional impacts.  That led me to write this:
"They don't show any regard for these people I've been living among.  They don't see us as having a history, meaningful lives.  Laja, when you started defending yourself... rightly... that was the only time during this assignment, other than last night when I was here, that anyone other than Maggie has spoken to me with any concept of my having ever belonged anywhere... of my having people who cared about me, 'ten years of memories,' an impact."

The idea that Andrew would be meaningless and an object of derision to anyone is painful and shocking to me.  Yet... it should really be shocking that anyone feels that way about any homeless person.  At some point, maybe they were someone's angel.

Andrew with his dog...  Nothing more to be said.

And then there's the teddy bear from Yva.  I've been keeping this mental list of all the stuff Andrew's accumulated.  And I wanted something to pop up here.  The teddy bear was an obvious, cuddly choice.  And it stands not just for Yva but for all of them.  It and the chair also point to the fact that Andrew was watched over.  I debated that.  Was it at all voyeuristic that the Dyelanders were popping in and out as he slept?  But Yva provided the answer:
"I guess we thought that if angels can sit at humans' bedsides when they're going through things... why wouldn't the reverse be alright?"

So I say it's alright!  And, have to say, I love Owen as "official shower time emergency buddy" who rhymes!

And the patch work clothes, lil bits of Dyeland memories sewn lovingly in...  Sometimes I wonder what Andrew did with them.  And was he wearing them when he was attacked?  I hope so.  I'd like to think that he had those lil remembrances near and touching him when his friends couldn't.

Reading Maggie's parting from Andrew at the Phoenix now is more heart-breaking than the writing of it.  When she fears not seeing him again, I automatically think of the fact that she's the one that will go away... not him.

Trivia: Here Yva's birthday becomes the first non-AOD birthday celebrated in a newsletter, I believe.  Andrew's note was jarring to write.  For a moment, happy, goofy Andrew comes back and to me it's almost ghost-like. 

The following scene is one that I hoped was BatB-like.  Albeit a more Joe-centric version of the show.  I always liked Joe.  I felt bad for him not just cause he loved Catherine but also because he had to have felt let down by her secrecy.  He trusted her yet must have felt like that trust was never returned.  I wanted him to learn about Vincent so he could know she trusted him.  But more on that later.  Here I wanted to capture how passionate Joe is about his work.  He was often so light-hearted on the show but the things he must have seen...  The frustrations he felt...  Joe deserved an angel and Adam's a great one to have on your side!

In the next scene we see something we don't often: fearful Andrew.  But this proves as misguided a fear as Catherine's for LJA.  Andrew's would-be attackers are in fact just a friendly police officer and... Mick!  It's about time those P.I. skills got utilized!  I love how deftly Mick gets rid of Billings (feigning a coffee withdrawal when he can't even drink coffee) and then how blunt he is.  "Andrew, you look like hell," just may be the bluntest sentence I've ever written!  But mostly I'm glad for Mick because he's finally getting a chance to prove that he's part of Dyeland.

The next scene is short but has some lil bits that were important to me.  First, it shifts to Mick's perspective.  That's when I wanted to really go into Moonlight mode.  He closes his eyes, he sniffs the blood, he tries to solve the case.  For a brief moment, I had my show back!  It's also in this scene that we get the first hint that this is all personal for Joe.  I love that Adam refers to his fellow AOD as "our Andrew" to Mick.

November 23rd- The scene begins with news of Ryan's death.  It also provides a glimpse of how Catherine and Vincent are blending their lives with her new job.  I like that they're able to spend the night together when Catherine's working at the Phoenix. 

In the next scene, Andrew takes Ryan Home.  It's from his conversation with Andrew that we first learn about Crystal's attachment to the singing angel.  At the time I wrote it, I had no idea how I'd later incorporate that.  I actually Googled "New York angel statues" to try and pick a location featuring a singing angel statue that Andrew would later find Crystal at.  It was a later inspiration that turned Andrew himself into the singing angel.  I like that far better.  It occurs to me now that it balances out Maggie's death, in a way.  Maggie died trying to reunite with Andrew, Crystal may very well have survived only because she was trying to get back to where she first saw Andrew.

The scene that follows is Josephine's first biggish one, I think.  The feedback I received mentioned the depiction of Aunt Josephine and I was grateful for those kind words.  However, I have a feeling of accepting praise for something I had no part of.  I have very little control of what characters will come through the most clearly and most interestingly at any given time.  I myself was surprised and delighted by how Aunt Josephine came across.  And I know I physically typed her scenes.  But they just sorta popped out.  Cosmic consciousness maybe?  ;-)  Really sometimes I feel the way I do when I'm jotting down a dream I had.  I can see the scene clearly, recall the lines, etc. but I don't have recollection of plotting it out.  So maybe I actually dream in Dyeland mode now.  Not sure if that's good or bad.  ;-)

In the next scene, I like how the Dyelanders are very particular in describing Andrew to Zeke.  And how they manage to explain their bonds to him to Maggie without either lying or revealing too much.  Good for them!

Andrew is sleeping in a box because the shelter makes him feel claustrophobic.  This really bugs me.  I think these stories would be a lot easier and less draining to write if I wasn't writing about someone I've crushed on for my entire adult life.  But then maybe they wouldn't be very good if I was just kinda blase about Andrew so I shouldn't complain about my angst.  Embrace the angst.  Embrace Andrew.  Commence wishing a real Andrew would show up...

Mick and Adam meet so the latter can have coffee and the former enjoy the smell.  Poor Mick.  Just a couple brief notes: for some reason I really like Adam referring to the Dyelanders as "the girls" and it gave me a chance to reveal Adam's feelings.  It would be very hard for him to see Andrew in such a state.  I imagine he feels rather like a big brother.

Happy Andrew's ghost returns via video footage.  These are the kinds of things that make a movie or show emotional for me.  Something where we just see a person get hit by tragedy after tragedy tends to wear me out and leave me feeling dulled.  It's when we get a glimpse of a smiling, laughing person and then juxtapose that with the same person weakened and upset that I get really sucked into their story.  Andrew playing with his friends on video just gives me an even greater sense of and respect for the distance they must all feel while he's on the streets.

I'm really glad I brought Owen into this story.  His irreverent humor is a really good balance to Rose's and JenniAnn's melancholy.  But I don't think he slips into caricature.  Owen, better than most, knows how Andrew feels.  But he remains optimistic and encouraging.  If I can't have an Andrew in my life, an Owen would be nice!

Enter Jerry.  I wonder if anyone made the connection to Joe?  His recalling seeing Andrew in Desert Storm was important to me.  I really loved the TBAA moments when someone realizes they had a brush with Andrew in the past. 

And we go back to Andrew: frigid and wet.  Yet his thoughts are filled only with the people he cares about.  He's angry at himself for not getting to Crystal and he's worried about Maggie learning about Ryan's death.  His only reason for seeking shelter for himself is because he promised "the girls."  Mentally, he seeks shelter in imagining his friends pulling together and doing what they can to enjoy their day.

Part One ends with a direct reference to the previous story: the underwhelming (I felt) "Be Thou My Vision."  That story didn't pan out like I wanted.  However, its final scenes were the spring board I needed for this story.  So we have JenniAnn being told that Shelby had a nightmare and is demanding to see Andrew.  Turns out the lil girl dreamed Andrew was trying to get back to them but couldn't.  JenniAnn consoles Shelby as best she can and sings her Andrew's lullaby ("Tender Shepherd" from Peter Pan) but doesn't soak in the solace herself.  Shelby's worries bring to mind Myrna's vision in that prior story:
"Every so often... I see something real.  Something that will happen... He looked unwell.  Unkept.  Hurt.  He called for his father but..." 

And with that Part One ends with Andrew somewhere in the city, away from his friends.  And a fear is building that he won't be left unscathed.  So that scene's pretty much one of the most chilling things I ever wrote for JABB!
*~*~*~*

November 24th- Part Two begins with an alarm going off at the Phoenix.  Maggie has run away.  I like how the Dyelanders and their friends all band together.  They work perfectly together, really.  Rose and Cira call the police, then Rose and Josephine call Adam and Mick, JenniAnn sees to the children, Catherine and Vincent go searching, etc.  The scene makes me nostalgic for the unrattled-ness of my childhood.  Shelby just thinks that Maggie's going to find Andrew and Jacob reassures his godmother.  Sometimes that sorta obliviousness would be really nice...

And in the next scene, Andrew finds a dying Maggie.  The two scenes of her death were heart-wrenching to write.  I did like that Andrew could hear Maggie, even though she couldn't speak.  I knew I wanted him with her for at least a few moments before she died.  One reason I really love the AOD idea is something I thought of while writing "Dark Night of the Soul."  They give people a last moment of love and beauty on Earth.  True, they find it more fully in Heaven.  But Earth is where we have lived, we have deep ties to it, and it's important to me to believe that no one dies without one last glimpse of something lovely on Earth.  So I wanted Maggie to have that.  Nothing will ever make the cruelty she experienced okay.  But after that, she spent her last moments in Andrew's arms, hearing him speak words of love.  I'd like to believe she had some happiness in that as she died.

Vincent is not going to have a very good day.  The first sign of that comes when he find Andrew cradling Maggie's body.  Vincent, himself an expert at self-recrimination, tries to convince Andrew that Maggie's death is not the result of a failure on his part.  But Andrew's not ready to hear it.  He blames himself very much.  I think it's very Andrew-like that he sends his friends his love but won't see them.  Andrew, unfortunately, does what Andrew often does when steeped in self-blame or grief... he goes off alone.  At points I wondered if I had Andrew acting too, well, anti-Andrew.  Would he really blame himself that much?  I think it depends on what part of Andrew is doing the driving for lack of a better phrase.  This Andrew is sleep-deprived, starving, dehydrated, and distraught.  He's not thinking straight because all of that prevents him from it.  So I'm gonna guess that Andrew's reasoning skills have taken a back seat to his emotions which are now fully in control.  Who among us hasn't felt unhinged and even down on ourselves when unwell or exhausted?  And the fact is...  Maggie did leave to find *him.*  A more reasonable Andrew might realize that it's not as if he asked that of her.  It was her will to run away.  He'd still feel badly about it but probly not beat himself up.  But reasonable Andrew had been eclipsed.

And with that we're back to the investigative team.  Joe is breaking down and I found that and Adam's words to him about the laws poignant.  But, for me, this is Mick's scene.  He reveals what I think are the three big truths about Andrew.  Essentially two years' of Mick's scrutiny gets hashed out in a paragraph.  It was interesting to me to take a moment to examine Andrew from his POV, not a Dyelanders'.  It's not steeped in glowing adoration but Mick's just thinking it like it is.  I think I needed to give those words to Mick because from another it might have seemed suspect.  Of course one of the Dyelanders is going to be in awe of Andrew's dedication and compassion.  They love him, at least one is in love with him.  Mick is not enchanted by or somehow pulled to Andrew.  He's a friend but that's it.  So I wanted this big statement about Andrew to come from a character no one would expect hyperbole or dewy-eyed praise from.

I'm not sure but I think the scene of Andrew running and being spotted by Lin may be the shortest scene I've ever written.

And now we come to the big Vincent and LJA scene...  This, as I said above, was either the first or more likely the second scene I wrote.  So it's strange that I considered cutting it for a time.  The story grew so long and I was looking for non-Andrew scenes to cut.  Thankfully, I suppressed that urge.  Like I told someone who gave feedback, to me this scene is a lot about Father.  It always bugged me that so many BatB fans seemed angered by him.  True, he wasn't a perfect parent but who is?  Can they guarantee they could have raised Vincent better?  I doubt it.  So here we have Vincent morphing into Father.  At long last, he knows what it feels like to look into the eyes of a child he loves, see so plainly the love they feel for another, and know that left unchecked that love will destroy the child... and he may have to stand by helplessly. 

So Vincent growls.  Very, very seldom do I have him growl.  But this was a good time to do it!  Plus, it was another of those "Yes!  This is BatB!" moments for me.  It may seem harsh but I think Vincent was desperate and worried.  Not only for Psyche/LJA but also for Andrew.  Only hours before Vincent had left one messed up AOD mourning a woman who loved him.  Now here's LJA planning to run around the same streets where Maggie lost her life, justifying it by declaring her love for Andrew.  How would Andrew react if she was killed?  Vincent knows.  It would wound Andrew deeply.  A whole lot more deeply than that cut she was fussing over days earlier.

And then there's Vincent's own love for her and the love others feel.  I sympathize with LJA here.  I think she's snapped.  But she's just downright hurtful towards Vincent.  Just as I think it must have pained Father to know Vincent would risk the life they shared for Catherine.  LJA is basically demoting everyone below  Andrew.  How can that not hurt?  And maybe Vincent could have even handled that if not for the fact that he's come to realize that LJA doesn't even fully understand who she's in love with. 

This was something that had begun to dawn on me about LJA for a while.  I don't doubt that she loves Andrew.  And I know she believes with all her heart that he loves her and all their friends.  But she's a child of a culture that has more or less deified romantic love.  So because she bears a form of romantic love for Andrew (what the particular form is doesn't get hashed out til two stories later), I think she very much believes she loves him more than he loves her.  No one has ever called her on the double-standard until this moment.  She's rendered speechless.  And I think part of that is simply having her soul laid bare by Vincent.  But I think another part of it is her starting to realize that if Andrew does love her and them as much as they love him... they now share the responsibility that previously they've attributed mostly to him.  But more on that in a commentary for a later story!

Finally, Father (who was the driving force between so much of this scene for me) actually enters.  He initially sees just a physical resemblance between Psyche and younger Vincent.  But then he expresses the emotional connection, too, and how those bygone days made him feel.  He comforts his son.  Thus, with a fatherly kiss, I was able to get closer on my "poor Father" issues.

Psalm 27 resurfaces, this time led by Owen with many of the Dyelanders and related gathered around.  I try to incorporate prayer whenever I can because I worry sometimes that I'll get so sucked into the drama between personalities that I won't give enough focus to the One who created them all.

November 25th- Vincent is seeing things.  When I wrote it, I did so in a way that I thought would make people think Vincent was externalizing his younger self who he felt he'd denied in denying LJA.  But the truth is... I kinda like to think it was his birth father, Lor, watching over him at such a difficult time.  But people can make whatever they want of it.  Either way, I think Vincent experiences it as his younger self disapproving.  Yes, Vincent's become a responsible father but his rash, passionate self still lives inside of him.  And I just can't let this pass without saying...  I don't have to deal with CBS' 1980s censors.  Ra ra ra!  Bring on the affectionate, loving Catherine and Vincent sharing a bed.  Believe me, it's a lot less offensive then watching two near strangers rolling around yet I'm pretty sure CBS gives us that...  Okay, moving on.

I don't want LJA to be perfect.  And I think sometimes people think I'm expressing my ideals in her.  And I do: *sometimes.*  My ideals are expressed at one point or another by all characters but not one is my complete ideal.  LJA's got some definite negative traits that I dislike strongly.  She's capable of selfishness as seen with Vincent.  And she's also capable of desertion.  So she actually contemplates fleeing Andrew... while sitting in a chapel of all places!  Again, I don't doubt she loves Andrew and is in love with him.  But I don't think that relationship will ever be a truly sound one until she stops needing him to justify her own existence.  God only knows when that'll happen!  Okay... and me.  I know, too.  :-)

Vincent enters and tenderly references Lor and Cora, both of whom I still wish I hadn't killed off but BatB didn't really give me an option there.  Anyhow...  Vincent agrees to escort JenniAnn Above to see Andrew.  He's reminded of how much Catherine's company meant to him during difficult times and he knows that's not at all a strictly romantic impulse.  It would be as likely to be felt by non-romantic Andrew.  Good realization.

So Rose and JenniAnn meet with our troubled hero.  I really like how both women immediately set to the task of making Andrew more comfortable.  It's another example of the Dyelanders working together without any need of discussion.

The pinch test...  That actually is something I've heard of but I can't vouch for its accuracy.  Apparently, your skin will stay elevated after a pinch when you're dehydrated.  Anyhow, I'm still undecided about whether LJA planned to do that or whether it was a sort of passive-aggressive response to Andrew denying the promise he made them.  Hard to say.

And we find out what Andrew's cut off prayer was...  He regrets the apparent damage and strain he's bringing his loved ones.  He wishes they'd feel less for him.  But he doesn't pray that he'll feel less for them.  That, to me, is really sad.  Andrew would be willing to love as much but be loved less if it meant causing his friends less pain.  Thankfully, they're not about to consent to that arrangement!

LJA tells her story.  I'd wanted, for a long time, to have it be revealed that LJA's connection to Andrew dated back further than she'd let on.  I'd hinted at it through repeated references to her Cupid and Psyche book.  So I was glad to finally get that off my check list.  As for why I used it here, I think I wanted to explain why the girl had gone so overboard.  So imagine waiting for someone for 13 years.  You find them.  At last life seems complete.  And then this awful thing befalls them and you fear something even more awful will soon follow.  What if you lose them?  If you're a solid person, you grieve and struggle but then you begin to heal.  But what if you're not?  LJA has no idea how to be LJA without Andrew. 

Thankfully, Rose sure seems to be a lil more sure of herself so she's able to tell Andrew what he needs to hear.  I'm not sure what gave me this idea, probly assorted conversations with Nicole, but I had it in my head that Rose loves Andrew and hates when bad things befall him.  But, unlike LJA, she doesn't get sucked into those bad things... at least not as much.  So she's able to acknowledge and even agree with Andrew's concerns: yes, he's exposed them to some very troubling things in ways they otherwise wouldn't have been.  However, it's not like they were living in some dream world without knowledge of tragedy.  So rather than focus on the painful aspects of their bond, she assures him that his devotion and compassion override all that.  And they simply can't do without those qualities.  Andrew feels much more at peace when Rose finishes.

Poor Joe.  He's seen so much crap recently that his first impulse is to believe Andrew hurt LJA and that Adam's a maniac.  Once assured neither of those are true, he's still left with the belief that no one trusts him.  "Chandler Jr." has proved as untrusting as her cousin.  But Adam's gonna fix all that so he takes them to the Phoenix.  There Joe first must trust everyone else by sharing Jerry's story.  In doing so, he reveals his intent to resign.  The ripple effect is easy to imagine.  Would another district attorney be as committed?  So to persuade Joe that he is trusted and that resigning isn't necessary... he finally allowed to meet Vincent.  I didn't intend to have this happen until Joe retired.  I thought the conflict of interest would be too great (after all, Vincent has killed people).  But I just couldn't make all this stuff about trust ring true without Catherine, at last, revealing her husband.  It was fun pondering what Joe's initial reaction would be.  In the end I decided Joe referencing Vincent's "swell wife" was the most Joe-like.

In the next scene I explored more of Mick's vampire powers: super good hearing and running at inhuman speeds.  But I think all that was only secondary to a sense of dread: the attackers were nearing Andrew.

In the following brief scene, Andrew prays one of the most unselfish prayers.  "If there's any way I can help to end this: use me."  And God answers...  Through out the story, I wasn't sure how close Andrew would come to the attackers themselves.  By the time I wrote that I knew.  It was definitely a case of the writer not wanting the character to say something but knowing that the character would...

The story flashes back to the Dyelanders who are now learning that the attackers are near Andrew.  Frantic praying begins.  And then it's back to Andrew.  This was probly one of the most time-consuming scenes for me.  I kept wandering off, running around.  It was very, very hard to write the lines for those boys.  Andrew's much more calm than his author was.  And less vengeful.  This story made me realize how often I need to choose between what I want to have happen versus what a story calls for.  Having someone dare to call *my* Andrew "Trash" or "Piece of..." is anathema to me, personally.  But I'm not naive enough to think someone this hateful wouldn't.  So I wrote it.  And then promptly wanted to delete it.  Actually, I think I did but then retyped it.  And then I had to write about what they did to him.

"Father, forgive them."  That was not an easy line to write/quote.  I'm Christian.  I know in what context those words were originally spoken.  The fact that Andrew said them with his eyes closed upsets me.  The parallel is there.  Yes, I knew Andrew couldn't die.  But I was troubled by how close to it he could come.  So...

Mick became my new favorite person for a moment.  I breathed a sigh of relief, the terrible ones were caught!  Andrew was saved!  And then Adam touches him and realizes he's bleeding.  And then for only the second time in JABB's history... Andrew loses consciousness. 

I felt like I should light a candle for real!  But I left that to Cira.  I kinda glossed over what was happening with the Dyelanders.  I wanted/needed to get back to Andrew.  But I can't imagine what that would be like.  Just milling around, waiting... and not knowing exactly what you're waiting for.  Not news of a death, certainly.  But they all felt fear of *something* happening to him.  I envy the Dyelanders often... but not here.

Joe and Adam in the waiting room.  Adam really gets me in this.  He's so knocked out by what's happened that he's apparently been staring at a women's magazine.  He follows Joe's command to drink, answers his questions.  But this is the most out of sorts I'd ever seen Adam when I visualized this.  I get carried away with the swooniness of some of the Dyelanders often.  It's not too often I really think a great deal about the friendship between the AODs.  As hard as it would be for the girls to lose some part of Andrew, what would it be like for someone who, for all we know, has known Andrew since his birth?  And then to have to relate the events to teary eyed friends?  Poor Adam.

I'm glad the nurse rescued them from further troubling thoughts.  And how about Joe?  Yay for sticking up for the family!

I debated how to write the scene when Andrew comes to.  I even debated what sort of condition he would be in.  At one point I did consider having him be blind temporarily.  I'm glad that plot only lasted a few moments.  The broken arm lacked the same pathos, of course, but I think it served the Christmas story much better.  And that cast made for a good intro into the scene.  As Andrew rouses, he hears his friends discussing what they're going to write.  It's goofy and very them and I needed that right then.  And I needed the sports team joke.  Happy Andrew is coming back, a ghost no more.  And the bear comes back, too.  :-)

Mick's final scene arrives.  After all he's done, I wanted him to have a moment alone with Andrew.  And the vampire utters what I think many of us suspect: Andrew wouldn't have stopped running himself ragged unless he'd been made to. 

"Just... be."  Honestly, sometimes even I'm left cringing about LJA's sappiness.  Actually, I kinda think if you blend LJA and Owen together, then you get me.  I can be sappy with the best of them but there's this other part of me that just wants to greet it all with bemused dismay and sarcasm.

Rose saying one of her favorite noises is Andrew laughing... I agree.

Andrew has a moment with Cira.  "And it means so much to me to know an angel would come down here and live this life just to help us."  In a nutshell, I think that sums up why I loved TBAA so much and why this character and his like still have such a hold on my imagination.

November 26th-  My favorite moment in this opening scene is Adam dismissing Owen's concerns about turkey which is, of course, TLS.  Ha.

Andrew and Jerry meet... again.  I got such a powerful vision of this grizzled looking man staring up into Andrew's face and the pain just melting away.  I wish I could have expressed that better.

Seriously, you can't have a Thanksgiving without men watching football.  And some girls, too.  Even I, the sports non-fan, know that.  So I wrote it in even though I have zero appreciation for it.  I did like it though cause it was just Andrew being Andrew.  Boyish, excited, and into the game.  And then... the singing angel is revealed.  And I am left forever with an image of Andrew singing Neil Diamond songs. 

LJA got to touch Andrew's face.  Jealous.

Andrew and Adam go in search of Crystal.  I wasn't sure how long to drag the search out for.  I think I might have let it go on longer were I not so tired at this point.  Looking back, I think that's a good thing.  Poor Andrew had been through enough.  So after only one false hope, Crystal is there!  The simple conversation with Crystal, learning that she'd seen him with her parents when they died, and then her at last dispelling what guilt remained in Andrew... It was cathartic for me to write that bit.  And then she releases him, briefly, to Heaven. 

November 27th- Shades of Vincent in LJA again.  I really liked that theme in this story, I guess.  Now she's struggling with violence inside herself.  I think this is another case of LJA expressing something that bugged me about BatB.  I truly don't think Vincent was any more violent than anyone.  He was simply better equipped to react in a violent way.  If LJA looked like Vincent... I can't guarantee that those boys would have made it to jail.

So beyond a subtle defense of Vincent, this scene brings up what is for me the central problem of Dyeland.  And in a way it's the biggest paradox, too.  Andrew and the other angels are the only true immortals in Dyeland.  Even the vampires just have very long lives but can still die.  And yet...  The angels are the most earth-bound.  LJA knows that in time all the humans and vampires in their family will be gone and in Heaven.  Assumedly, they will remain there forever.  Andrew and Co. will not.  They will return to Earth again and again.  And there will be no Rose with potato soup, no LJA sewing up patchwork clothing, no Yva with a teddy bear.  Andrew can't dispel such a concern.  He certainly tries.  And I do believe that he's renewed each time he goes Home.  And he brings that peace back to Earth with him.  But still... it doesn't change the fact that Andrew will never truly be at rest.  So they just have to trust in God and His love.

The root of LJA's Andrew-might-fade-away fear is revealed.  Andrew promises to never disappear on her.  Andrew is awesome. 

And the hair...  Of course, I thought about how he'd brush his hair after I decided on his arm being broken!  And those Dyelanders sure lucked out...  I was happy to have Andrew being playful and teasing again, too.  A buzz cut.  Right. 

So I played a lot with the idea of home in this story.  And LJA expresses the conclusion I came to: true home is people who love you and who you love.

December 3rd- Shelby trying to do Andrew's tie= adorable.  I love Andrew with kids... in case that's not abundantly clear.

The driver's license...  I debated this part, too.  In a way I think I was trying to explain why Andrew looks older at points in TBAA.  Obviously, that's because Mr. Dye, being mortal, aged.  But when I revisit the years 2000-2003 as LJA, that Andrew (the "real Andrew") looks older.  So I had to explain to myself why that would be.  And my conclusion was angels can seem to age, as people do, when they experience stress.  And Andrew certainly has.  And... I think at this point I was already toying with the "deep cover" idea.  So I wanted to give the Dyelanders, as represented by LJA and Rose, a chance to address what Andrew aging would mean to them.  They assure him that while they mourn what he experienced, he's beautiful to them no matter how he looks.  His personality, spirit, soul make him beautiful.  LJA will later need to remind him of that but in that moment... Andrew believes them.

Symbiont.  I really like this scene.  I needed a laugh.  And I think it really captures the good and bad of how LJA feels about Andrew.  Symbiotic relationships can be healthy... or not.  But, regardless, Andrew and Rose trying to pick JenniAnn's hair out of his sling is all good fun.

So Andrew testifies and I didn't want to show that.  I felt like I'd already taken people to dark enough places.  So he gets to play in the park with kids!  And meet Myrna and her grand-daughter.  As much as I was disappointed in the Halloween story, I did like Myrna.  I wanted to revisit her and give her closure.  And maybe grab some for Andrew, too.  Much, much delayed closure.

In these recent stories, I've done a lot of "voices from beyond the grave."  It reminds me, and I hope readers, that the humans are just as immortal as the angels.  They just have a change to get through first.  So it's Hope, long dead, that gives Andrew the words he needs.  I thought it was especially poignant that her letter is read by Andrew's current human friends.  It's almost like there's a divinely created cord through history binding these women together and to Andrew.  Hope expresses the pain Andrew felt as a homeless man.  But more importantly she tells him, as one who has experienced it, what it's like to face death with him at her side.  It's what she needed then and she holds out to him what he needs in that moment: peace.  And so, encouraged by his friends, Andrew at last goes Home.

December 6th- With the Epilogue, I just wanted to get Andrew back to Dyeland.  And I knew they'd have a party for him!  Hugged, fed, and comforted; Andrew can sit in his own home, look around, and bask in the love of his friends.  It's almost Heaven.

(Typed out 2-28-10)
Thoughts on JABB 289- "The Past, the Present, the Future"
So the Christmas story picks up 2 weeks after the epilogue of "In the House."  I don't think it's as momentous of a story.  It wasn't supposed to be.  But I do want to say a few things... hopefully in a much shorter space than what I used above!

Lor returns!  I really loved that character.  I created him "from scratch" and it was hard for me to let him die.  So having him back for a moment, even just in a letter, was really good for me.  And it went nicely with the theme I had going in the prior story with Hope reaching out to Andrew via a letter.  I wanted Vincent to have one moment and some words with his father.  So I was happy to be able to give him that.  In one of those strange occurrences, after writing this I found a card from a deceased family member amidst some decorations I had never gone through before.  Surreal.

I had to keep two of my favorite Christmas traditions going: Andrew's letters to God start many of the scenes.  And LJA just has to make some sort of reference to George Bailey to Andrew.  I especially loved this one.  If all goes as planned, that collage she made him will resurface many years down the road...

New Dyeland maxim: Love means going dress-shopping with the crazy chick that's madly in love with you even if it is five days before Christmas and, as a male angel, you have absolutely zero interest in how a woman wears a dress.  Frankly, I just find Andrew adorable in every aspect as relates to JenniAnn's dress: his initially picking one out based on lyrics from The Sound of Music, him keeping her safe from the sales lady, and eventually finding her the perfect dress, miraculously in the right size. 

I love that Adam has a semi-permanent gig as Santa.  I guess that's becoming another tradition.  I just think that would be such a great thing for him.  You know those AODs must see some troubling stuff involving children so giving him that to count on once a year seems like a great idea to me.

LJA can be a very unstable character *but* I do think she gets it right by laying down the line between needing Andrew and wanting Andrew during the scene at Willy's factory.  Andrew needed to realize that his friends wanted them there.  Needing a hand with getting orders ready was beside the point.  They just love the guy!  And he realizes it... maybe more than they initially think he does.  But I'm jumping ahead.

If I ever have kids and they get sad about losing their belief in Santa, I reserve the right to repeat Andrew's lil speech to Mandy at the Phoenix.  I struggled about how to address the issue of a child who no longer believes.  But I ended up pretty happy with what I ended up with.  At a certain age, I don't think you can try to fool them.  So I love the idea of sharing with them about St. Nicholas and his immortal soul.

Yeah... kinda messed myself up with Lor's letter.  It made me both sad-teary and happy-teary.  Sad because here was a hope-filled young man, prime of his life, laying beside the love of his life, and only months later he'd be dead.  But I was also happy-teary.  I've watched Vincent struggle with his origins for years.  I firmly believed that if he could only know that he was created in love and that his parents wanted him and loved him, so much woulda been different for him.  It bothered me as I wrote "Origins" that no matter how I wrote it, Vincent could not meet his father.  So it took me a few months but I finally figured out a way to give them a father/son moment.  Maybe not the one I wanted but it was something.  So... happy Christmas, Vincent!  In another one of those odd twists, the day after I sent this I was given my deceased godmother's journals.  I found a passage she wrote about me when I was born.  It was like my only lil voice from beyond Christmas miracle.

It was important to me that Andrew get back to his cases in this story.  And I wanted to depict him as really happy about it.  Because as difficult and heart-wrenching as they can be, Andrew loves his job.  So I could really imagine his face lighting up at the idea of finally getting back to that.  That he tempers his excitement when his friends are a lil disappointed just shows how great he is!  And they're pretty awesome, too.  They coulda made that good bye really dramatic and weepy but they let him go joyfully.

Again, I really like Owen.  He kinda reminds me of Adam in how he uses humor to cheer JenniAnn when he sees her begin to falter over Andrew's absence.  Which brings me to... the sweater.  I just got to thinking one day about how hard it would be to have all these reminders of Andrew around Dyeland yet often not know where he was or when he'd return.  But then yesterday I was watching The Time Traveler's Wife again and, gotta say, the Dyelanders are pretty darn lucky compared to Claire in that! 

For some reason I really like the idea that Andrew can't play Hopscotch (per Eli).  Who knew?

I have to confess that originally I was going to end the scene of LJA discovering Andrew on her door step with her uttering "You're back."  But I decided that was too weird.  It kinda made it sound like maybe she'd happened upon the Second Coming.  So that got moved to the follow-up scene and I promptly followed it up with some gushiness to limit any apocalyptic overtones.

I really like how Rose reacts to Andrew-as-Jesus.  Hysterical laughter, then a hug, then a demand for explanation.  Sounds like the right order to me!  And I like how later on she's almost like a mini-Tess with Andrew.  She forces him to deal with LJA's parents and stick around.  Go her!

Now a few words about LJA's parents.  First, they aren't based off mine much.  They come from Nebraska, Allison works with children.  The similarities end there.  They don't even sound like my parents when I read them.  And that's how I wanted it.  So even though they aren't my parents at all, I do feel the need to stick up for them a bit.  They seem harsh and even ungrateful towards Andrew.  True, he's caused their daughter some concern and, yes, made her cry.  But he's also never cheated on her, hit her, verbally abused her, or any of the terrible things that sometimes happen in relationships.  And it goes beyond just what he's NOT done.  He's really good to her.  More than I would be...  In fact, he's endured a lot for her and even from her.  But I think I'd have to be kidding myself if I didn't admit that, were I a parent, this would worry me.  What if LJA decides she wants kids?  What's he gonna do about that?  Diddly.  He can't.  And I could easily see them worrying about a power disparity.  They've not spent much time around LJA and Andrew together.  They might very well assume that since he's soooo much older, an angel, and she's so far gone on him; that he could easily call all the shots.  How would they know that LJA has no problem fighting with him?  That if they have a difference of opinion, she's as likely to come out the winner as he is?  Maybe even more likely (I haven't kept count).  So even while, as someone who very much appreciates Andrew, I'm bothered by their frostiness towards him, I do sympathize with them.  Plus, she is epileptic which Allison brings up.  Stress isn't good for that.  So they do make some good points...  Plus, if I were Allison and my own daughter cried out to "Mama" over her fears for Andrew, I'm not sure I wouldn't have wanted to drive them apart just so I never had to hear my child cry out like that again.

I actually had to ask Nicole if she thought Rose would blurt the phrase "Man up!" to Andrew.  It just popped into mind.  So I'm glad she gave me the okay cause I love that!  Plus, it makes Andrew laugh a lot.  And I like to keep Andrew laughing and smiling whenever possible!

Then it's back to JenniAnn and her parents.  I was really stuck on how to get them back to a happy, pro-Andrew place.  Then one morning I was watching The Today Show and for some inexplicable reason, they started playing "What's the Buzz?" from JCS.  It solved my writer's block!  Robert and then LJA singing it brought them back to that happy, pro-Andrew place!  So, thank you, music selector person for The Today Show.  Also thanks to Tim Rice for giving LJA lyrics that made her mom see the light!

And the flash forward...  I wanted to write this very badly but wasn't sure if I should.  And I still wish I could have made more of it but I hardly know what my characters' will be up to in the future.  And I didn't want to ask Yvette or Nicole about theirs and ruin the surprise.  So I had to keep things pretty vague.  But I do love the idea of Mick and Beth being married with children and him very much human again.  And I was more moved than I thought I would be by Andrew seeing LJA's children... and her twisting her ring.  However she got the children, it's obvious she's still in love with him.

And now I can reveal the reason Andrew was quickly turning from Avi emerging from the tree and the opening door... the door through which his future self was going to walk.  As is revealed in the Valentine's story, Andrew had begun to consider aging at some point before Christmas.  So... he was hoping to see himself in order to know if he'd made the decision.  But God didn't let him see that.  Andrew needs to make that decision without future knowledge.  As for Avi... there's a reason he's not seen.  And that's all I'm gonna say about that.  :-)

Finally, I just loved the image of Andrew's misshaped snow angel surrounded by those of his friends.  Awww. 

Here's to the future!

(Typed out 2-28-10)


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(Photo Credits: The photograph used on this page is from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  It is not being used to seek profit.)