Eilish was born on
the island of Tír na nÓg on summer solstice nearly 23
years ago as the firstborn of Eiméar and James Dhónaill.
Not much is known of her parents, but most probably they
came to Asteriana via a portal some years prior to
Eilish’s birth. They were a nice and gentle couple who had
settled down and founded their home on the island of Tír
na nÓg just west of Asteri mainland. Since the green and
peaceful island had reminded them of the legends of the
mysterious Land of Eternal Youth, it seemed suitable to
give the newly found land its name - Tír na nÓg – and the
name stuck. Before the Dhónaills arrived the island was
used by the Asterians who had a big orchard and a berry
patch there. And the Asterians had used the uninhabited
island as grassland for sheep who wandered freely around
the island all year round, nibbling the grass. So the
grass around the cottage was always neatly cut. The kind
Asterians had allowed the Dhónaills to settle in there and
had given them an old house which Eiméar and James had
rebuilt to make a cosy home. The small island was
surrounded by the whitest beach imaginable, giving a
wonderful contrast to the turquoise water polishing its
sands. There was a pine coppice in the northern part of
the island, which served well as a shield against the
sometimes harsh northern winds, making the hillock with
the cottage and the bay the loveliest and warmest place to
live in. The ground in the coppice was covered with soft
green moss and the most unusual azure rose-like flowers
that could be found nowhere else in Asteriana (or probably
nowhere else). Eiméar had called them sky-roses in fact.
So little Eilish
grew in the most welcoming and friendly environment a
child could ever want. It was a peaceful land with a
rather mild climate and kind folks. She was much loved by
her parents who had all the time in the world for her. But
it all changed suddenly in 1995 before Eilish turned 3.
Her family often
took her to the coppice with them to pick blueberries or
just enjoy a walk between the ruler-straight pines and
fern bushes. Eilish would usually amuse herself with
stuffing her mouth with blueberries or wild strawberries
until she looked like a cute tiny purple troll; or picking
sky-roses. On this day in April 1995 there were plenty of
spring flowers growing everywhere, so Eilish rejoiced in
crouching down and wondering at almost every single one.
She introduced all the living things to her toy rabbit
Tiddy. She carried the chequered rag toy with her all the
time. Everything was so new and exciting for her and her
parents’ hearts just melted when they looked at this cute
bundle of joy. Never ever had they worried that she would
wander off or get lost since the island was small and the
coppice even smaller and she could be spotted miles away
in her little red dress. Plus the joyful shrills she
emitted in every couple of minutes whenever she found
something she wanted to share with the world. It was an
afternoon like any other and she had just filled her tiny
hand with sky-roses when she spotted a huge golden bug on
a fern leaf. The bug arranged its wings and then floated
lazily onto the next leaf. Eilish followed it with a huge
smile in her face. Oblivious of anything around her she
just hopped from turf to turf, trying not to lose the
golden critter from her sight. Suddenly her feet were
caught by a tree root and she fell down, dropping the blue
flowers onto the moss. She was not hurt, though a little
bit frightened. Eilish stood up and looked around for her
parents. But they were nowhere in sight. Slowly she
realized that not only weren’t here parents in sight,
everything around her suddenly seemed unfamiliar. The sun
was gone and the trees around her were not the friendly
auburn pines she was used to. It was quite a different
forest, much older and somewhat sinister. She looked
around, puzzled. First she realized she had lost Tiddy and
the rabbit was nowhere around. Her eyes filled with tears
as she began to call for her Mom and Dad...
Suddenly it struck
Eiméar that it was too quiet around. There were no usual
squeals or shrieks of the lively child. Well, she probably
has found something extra interesting, she thought to
herself, because there just was no way something would
have happened to her here. But still, she looked around.
Eilish was nowhere to be seen. James hadn’t spotted her
either. Both of them called for the little girl who had
just minutes ago stood beside them, admiring a strange
bug. With time passing their worry grew into panic. They
yelled, pleaded, called, asked, looked under every tree
and leaf when suddenly James found Tiddy lying near a
small fir tree. She would have never gone away without it.
Ever.
There was just a
small faint streak in the moss, straight as if someone had
cut a line in the moss. In fact it was a line. It had been
a portal. A temporary portal that had appeared just at the
time Eilish stumbled upon a tree root. A portal that had
closed just seconds after she slipped through it. She was
gone.
***
Eiméar and James had
not much knowledge of the portals between worlds. It is
assumed they had come through one themselves, but they
probably couldn’t have recognized one if they had come
across it. Let alone a faint trace of a portal. They had
done everything in their power to find Eilish, but nobody
had seen her or heard anything about her fate though after
a while one of the Asterians had pointed out the
possibility that Eilish might have slipped through a
portal. But nobody had ever heard of a portal on Tír na
nÓg, let alone knew where it had led to. So Eiméar and
James would go to the coppice every day hoping that the
portal would appear again so that they could follow their
little girl. For one or two most painful years they’d
visit the spot without any luck until one day they saw the
air flicker and a portal appearing before their eyes. Without much
thinking they made the only decision they could in their
utter distress – they held hands and stepped through the
portal. Little did they know that this portal led to
multiple worlds, so they vanished without a trace and
no-one has ever heard of them since.
***
Little Eilish cried
inconsolably when she realized she was completely alone in
a strange place. There was nothing she could do, being
just nearly 3 years old and having had practically no bad
experiences in her safe and cosy world. She cried until
she grew weary of weeping. Spotting the blue sky-roses on
the moss, at least something familiar to hold on to, she
picked them up into her sweaty palm and tried to find her
way around the strange place. Occasionally calling out for
her Mom and Dad she soon reached a small road in the
forest. She followed the road for a while until she
spotted a small green house, worn with age. She went to
the front door and sat down on the rugged stairs. This is
where Maria found Eilish, a frightened girl with a
tear-streaked face, holding some unusual blue flowers in
her hand.
***
Maria Strand was a
kind woman, a little bit over her fifties. She had come
from an orphanage and had no children or husband of her
own, nor had she any known relatives. But she loved kids
and her everyday job was closely related to children. She
was a primary school teacher in a local school. She lived
at the edge of the town, so that the forest Eilish had
come from was practically her back yard.
Maria crouched down
at the bewildered girl, trying to learn who she is and
where she had come from. She soon got the feeling that
Eilish didn’t understand a word she was saying. But when
Eilish suddenly burst into tears, sobbing, "I want my
Mommy!” Maria realized she was speaking English. She tried
again, speaking to her softly in her mother tongue. Eilish
seemed to relax a bit, but it was still very difficult to
get some information from her. She found out her name was
Eilish and that she was lost. And she had lost someone
named Tiddy. And that was about it. Maria gently persuaded
the girl to join her in the house, so that she can give
her something to eat. Eilish hadn’t learned about not
trusting strangers, so she silently followed Maria in the
house. Furthermore, there was in fact something
mother-like in Maria, so she instinctively felt she could
trust her. After having eaten the exhausted girl happily
gave in to dreams in Maria’s bed.
***
Maria did everything
in her power to find Eilish’s parents. Weeks and months of
gruelling search, visiting the police, social workers,
tens of officials and so on. During this time she grew
really fond of the mysterious girl and she of her. Eilish
held on to her whenever they met and she rarely opened up
to anyone else. It touched Maria deeply to see such kind
of affection. She hadn’t thought of having kids of her own
since she was alone, but after all this time with Eilish
she felt that no way she would let her disappear into the
"system” or end up in an orphanage like she had. So she
applied to become Eilish’s foster parent until her real
parents are found.
She took the best
care of Eilish. Since the name sounded too foreign and she
wanted her to feel comfortable around there, she began to
call her Elise and taught her her own mother tongue –
Estonian. When weeks and months passed and nobody came for
Eilish, Maria began to feel more and more like Eilish’s
true mother and she sometimes even spoiled her too much,
fearing that one day someone would come and take her away.
Even if it were her real parents, the thought of leaving
her became harder and harder to bear.
So Eilish grew in a
loving family of one – Maria. They didn’t have much – the
house they lived in was rugged and old and they never
could afford anything fancy – but Eilish always had the
most important thing she needed: lots of love. So in time
she became a happy and loving girl who had enormous
amounts of fantasy. But there was always something
otherworldly about her – she had the habit of speaking to
and caring for all the living beings – plants, animals,
birds, small children. And they seemed to respond her with
such trust that it amazed Maria every time she saw her.
For example her two timid cats were usually afraid of
everyone and fled every time they heard someone coming,
but when Eilish was around they would just curl up in her
lap and purr like tiny tractors. Once Maria caught Eilish
feeding a bunch of sparrows from her hand. The usually
cautious birds fearlessly sat on her arm and fought
chirpingly for the seeds in her palm. And the plants
Eilish took care of blossomed like no other. The same was
with small children – Eilish seemed to have almost magical
effect on them – they tended to cling onto her, talk to
her with uttermost trust or stop crying whenever she
approached them. But at the same time she seemed to grow
very silent and withdrawn with other adults or children of
her own age. She just didn’t seem to "speak their
language”. In the kindergarten she always preferred to be
around smaller children and take care of them – to the joy
of the teachers she handled all their troubles with
amazing ease. She was always like an older sister to them,
telling them stories, playing with them and when
necessary, wipe their tears and console them. But as soon
as she had to be around girls or boys at her own age, she
seemed like another person – quiet, withdrawn, timid. But
she wasn’t concerned about not being very sociable around
her peers and adults at all when she was still small – she
had the beautiful nature around her – hundreds of trees to
talk to, tens of birds to sing to, cats and dogs to have
long conversations with, smaller "siblings” to take care
of. She made up amazing worlds in her mind and just
rejoiced in everything around her. The other people in
town soon realized the little "forest girl” was a little
different from any other children they had seen, but they
just shook their heads with friendly bewilderment. It all
seemed so wonderful until she had to go to school.
There she was forced
to be around people of her own age, day after day. First
she tried to share her fantasies with them, tried to
involve them in her games, tried to befriend them. At
first it went pretty well, but after a couple of years
when someone caught her tending a withered plant in the
school hall and softly whispering words of solace to the
poor flower, the things started to go bad. The other
children just couldn’t understand her attitude. At first
they were just confused, but sadly, in children’s case,
confusion can sometimes turn into ostracising and this is
exactly what happened. They never really meant to be mean,
but it just turned out that way. Soon poor Eilish got to
know painfully what bullying means and what it means to
have no friends at all. She started to come home with eyes
red from crying, with dirty clothes or even with bruises
(though that seldom happened). Maria was very concerned
about all of this. Though she worked in the same school,
she usually didn’t see what happened and thus couldn’t do
much since Eilish never told on anyone. Occasionally, when
things got too bad, she would go and talk to the teacher
of her class, but that usually made things worse. Being a
"teacher’s child” is never easy. Once, when she came home
with severely burnt hair, Maria even considered taking her
to another school, but this would have meant taking her to
another town. So Eilish tried to act brave and kept more
and more inside her. She just tried to ignore her
classmates, though it was hard most of the times. She
learned to swallow her tears or cry when nobody was
looking. When things got really nasty, she would come home
and complain to Tiddy (yes, she had named one of the
kittens Tiddy, though she didn’t really remember why she
had chosen this name). Tiddy, a beautiful and peaceful
tabby, always listened to her with her head tilted as if
she had understood her words. Maybe she did.
Things got a little
bit easier when she was 11 and Ruth joined her class. She
was a merry girl, but as she was of Lebanese origin from
her father’s side, she looked somewhat darker and
different from the other, mostly blond and pale kids, and
that was enough to push her away. But Eilish gladly
welcomed her and they became best friends for years. They
would roam around the woods for hours until Maria had to
gently scold them about forgetting the time.
Ruth had actually
been born in Lebanon. Her Estonian mother had been working
there and fell in love with a local man. Soon they got
married and Ruth was born. Until she became 10 they had
lived in Lebanon. So Ruth perfectly understood Eilish’s
feelings of being in a foreign land. Though Eilish didn’t
remember almost anything of Tír na nÓg, she sometimes had
dreams of the place and her parents. And she always felt
that she is not from this world. And how right she was,
yet not even knowing it! But the stories she made up,
unknowingly contained a lot from Asteriana, from her past.
So she and Ruth would create their own worlds – drawing
zillions of pictures of cute little islands with tons of
cedar trees and palms, the latter reminding Ruth of her
homeland. Then they would pretend they were some
ridiculously rich princesses who can conjure things. So in
Eilish’s little room in the attic or in Ruth’s porch they
would talk for hours, wishing themselves away from the
everyday turmoil. They grew very close in time and always
stood for each other whenever needed.
Ruth was a great
support to Eilish when at the age of 14 she learned she
had a severe heart condition. Her "weak heart” as the
doctors sometimes put it, would let her live most of the
time without any medicines, but she was supposed to lead a
stress-free and quiet life.
But to her uttermost grief Eilish also learned that
she could never have children on her own – pregnancy would
have most likely been fatal for her. So she had soon
decided that since she can’t have a child of her own, she
would take care of other people’s children – work in a
daycare or become a teacher like her step-mom or find
another way to work with kids. Ruth and Eilish would
sometimes "adopt” some of Maria’s pupils – they helped
them with their studies and stood up for them when they
ended up in trouble. They especially grew fond of a little
blond girl – Mia, who was always struggling with math and
got scolded at home every time she brought home another
bad grade. They would invent some math-related games for
her or just help her study. She was actually the reason
Eilish would take up recorder lessons. Her doctor had
advised her to play a wind instrument to train her lungs
and thus improve her heart’s oxygen exchange. Mia had
taken on lessons a year before and needed someone to
practice together with. So Eilish happily joined the
classes and even though she strongly persisted every time
she was asked to perform solo, she was a quick learner and
loved to play on her own. She gladly performed to Ruth,
Mia or Maria, and to all her cats and other living
non-human beings who would wish to listen. She also loved
to sing and though she never dared to do it in front of
anyone, the forest would often hear her soft angelic voice
singing various kinds of songs. She had a natural talent
and had she been less shy she might have even become
famous. But this wasn’t her ambition.
Just before Ruth and
Eilish were about to begin their 12th year at school,
Ruth’s family suddenly had to go back to Lebanon as her
grandmother fell ill and needed their constant care. This
strongly broke Eilish’s heart, though she continued to
write to Ruth and she to her. But their correspondence
slowly grew more infrequent. In a couple of years Eilish
learned that Ruth had married and their correspondence was
soon reduced to sending Christmas cards and birthday
greetings. But before that happened Eilish still had to
face her last year in high school and Ruth’s
correspondence still helped her a great deal.
In high school
people seemed to have forgotten about Eilish most of the
time. There was no poking, no pushing or nudging, no
stealing her things, but still there was subdued
whispering and derogatory stares. And no friends. Eilish
suffered the loss of her only friend greatly. Now there
was practically no person she could talk to. Though she
trusted her mother Maria with everything, she didn’t have
the heart to cry on her shoulder every time – she just
didn’t want her to worry too much. Every time she felt
anxious or depressed she would go to the forest behind her
home. There she would talk to the trees, greet the newborn
plants, sing or play the recorder. The forest patch always
felt friendly and calming, and it somehow seemed to draw
her in, as if she belonged there. In a way she did.
After Ruth left
Eilish withdrew even more, she even communicated less with
the "adopted” children from Maria’s class. Anyway, Mia and
some other "adoptees” had already grown to be rebellious
teens with boys and parties in their mind, so they didn’t
need such fostering any more. There had been some new
kids, since Maria had a new primary class, but the bonds
never grew as tight as with the first ones. So Eilish
spent most of the time alone these days. In summer she had
turned 18 and faced the constant teasing of her classmates
for not having a boyfriend or a special someone. This
seemed to be a big issue in her class. Even those who
didn’t date, made up stories of special someones or at
least discussed the topic of desirable males every
possible moment they could. But Eilish just couldn’t
relate to the topic – boys were just off her interest at
the time. Not that there was anything wrong with her as a
girl, but the few lads in her class just didn’t attract or
interest her anyhow. In fact they had liked Eilish in the
primary school with her being pretty, modest and kind to
everybody, but their way of showing their affection –
spitting paper bullets into her long hair – just didn’t
impress her. Later on they had lost most of their interest
when she didn’t go along with their attempts of chatting
up with her. Besides, she just was too different from a
regular teenager. Never had she attended any parties or
outings with the class, so she just estranged from her
class. But there was prom coming in the end of the last
school year and something that happened there, shattered
her fragile soul and heart into so tiny pieces that it
seemed irreparable for good...
***
This is actually
when Eilish first saw Andrew as well, but she didn’t know
it until much later.
The girls in her
class had gotten into their heads to play a prank on
Eilish. It actually started as an innocent joke, nothing
cruel. It was in time it turned out to be really mean. One
of the girls had an
older brother who was working as a journalist and was
exceptionally good with words. So they asked him to write
a love letter to Eilish. They told the unsuspecting
brother that they just wanted to cheer Eilish up since she
had no special someone. They pretended to care for her and
be her best friends who were sincerely concerned for her.
The brother was a compassionate person, so he agreed to
it. He got some information about Eilish from his sister,
thus he knew what he should write to actually attract her
attention. So just before Christmas he wrote a fictitious
love letter allegedly from a fellow student in her school.
Though he gave no hints of who this might be, he made it
quite clear in her letter that one of the boys among the
graduates had grown fond of her. Sadly, Eilish
couldn’t suspect anything and was deeply touched by the
mysterious letter. It had come like a very special
Christmas gift. Especially since it was nothing too pushy
or mawkish – it was more of an invitation to become
friends. After all, the author of the letters was a kind
man and didn’t suspect that his friendly words were
actually a beginning of a mean joke. He just meant to make
a lonely girl feel better. He didn’t even expect Eilish to
write back at first, but she did – she felt it was much
easier to put her thoughts onto paper without actually
facing the person she was writing to. And she was
desperate for a friend. So the correspondence continued
and in quite a short time Eilish had completely fallen for
her mysterious schoolmate. And, in fact, she really did
cheer up – she went to school with joy, knowing (or
rather, assuming) that there was someone special who would
actually like her just as she is and who really seemed to
understand her. The girls in her class saw her walking
around with an occasional "Cloud 9 smile” on her face and
tried to lure her into revealing who the special someone
was. She would just blush and smile shyly, but say
nothing. Naturally they knew all about the "mysterious
lover” and behind her back they would just laugh at her
naivete. Though there was in fact nothing naive about
falling in love with someone who had been so kind to her
in his words at least.
The spring and also
the prom were approaching fast. The tedious winter was
turning into vivid spring – the whole nature began to
change its garments to blossoming green. It was the most
beautiful time of the year. And it was also the time
Eilish’s letters to her Mr. X (as the author of the
letters had called himself) grew more intimate. Soon the
author felt that the things were getting out of hand and
what had started out as an innocent experiment, had turned
into a beautiful love from a kind and sensitive girl. He
actually had grown rather fond of her himself, though he
didn’t have any romantic feelings for her. So he felt it
would be wrong to further encourage her feelings. So he
proposed he would write a good-bye letter where he would
tell her about his sudden departure and just leave it
there. But his sister and her friends had come up with
another plan that involved the forthcoming prom. So they
accepted his idea, let him write the final letter, but
never sent it. (Until now they had been the ones
delivering the letters and receiving the answers, so they
naturally knew exactly what was written in those letters.)
Instead they wrote a letter of their own. It was rather a
brief one, typed, not to raise suspicion with the
difference in writing style. It simply kindly asked Eilish
to be his date at the prom...
Night before the
prom Eilish was so excited she could hardly sleep. She had
naturally written about Mr. X to Ruth and they had had the
most thrilling correspondence about her mysterious
admirer. They had several ideas of who this might be, but
none of her schoolmates seemed to fit into the picture. It
was even more exciting that way. But both Ruth and she had
agreed that she should make the most of this prom and even
if the things don’t turn out to be as romantic as she
probably hoped, she would at least meet a wonderful
friend. So Eilish was truly elated and Maria naturally
cheered for her. She had seen Eilish going to school
reluctantly every morning for years and breaking her heart
for Ruth’s departure. So Eilish’s joy of finding her love
passed on to Maria as well. She hadn’t had a prom or a
boyfriend, so in a way through Eilish she could experience
the feeling of romance as well. They had bought her the
most beautiful dress they could afford – it wasn’t all
that fancy, but it brought out all the gentle features of
the delicate girl. So at the prom evening she stood in the
middle of the room, twirling in her long turquoise dress,
smiling as widely as she could. It seemed she had never
been happier...
The lights of the
schoolhouse seemed like sparkling stars, there was the
most romantic fragrance in the air, every sound around her
seemed like music. She was happy. She was so in love. They
had agreed to meet in her class – so it would be more
intimate and in a way safer. With her heart pounding she
stepped into the hall, came to the class and with shaking
hand opened the door...
It took her several
seconds to realize the horror she was facing. There was
something that looked like a hideous, clumsily made
scarecrow arranged in front of the blackboard, so it was
the first thing she saw when she stepped in. There was a
printed picture of a prince with a nauseously slushy face
taped onto the monster’s head and a sloppily made golden
crown jammed onto its deformed head. A big signboard hung
onto its neck said: "Eilish’s prince, Mr. X”. She stared
at this abomination with horror, unable to move. Only then
she began to perceive the surroundings. There was the
whole bunch of her classmates standing around the
disfiguration of a prince, all laughing. Slowly she
started to discern their words being thrown at her:
"This is your
prince, forest girl!” "Haha, did you ever think someone
would fall in love with YOU!” "What an idiot!” Trying to
ridicule her more, they yelled out lines from her letters
she had sent to Mr. X with such affection. They made
everything sound like a mockery, twisting her gentle
feelings horribly around, mutilating everything that had
been dear to her.
Not knowing how, she
ran out of the schoolhouse with tears uncontrollably
flowing from her eyes, and dashed randomly into the
darkness. There was so much pain in her that her fragile
heart just gave in and she fell, losing her consciousness.
No one knows how much time had passed when she opened her
eyes again. She felt the coolness of the grass at her
cheek, but the rest of it was all blurry. She probably
came around for just a few seconds, but there was
something (or rather someone) she saw that she never could
forget, though she put it down to hallucinating, since she
was in enormous pain and not fully conscious at the time.
She was laying in the grass on her side, trying to
distinguish hazy shapes in the darkness when everything
suddenly flooded in bright light. She got a glimpse of
someone looking directly into her eyes, smiling tenderly,
yet somewhat sadly. Then she passed out again.
***
She woke up in a
hospital. The first person she saw was Maria, sitting
beside her, holding her hand. She smiled faintly when she
saw Eilish coming around. "You gave me quite a fright, my
dear,” she silently said. Her heart had indeed failed so
that she had been just an inch from death. Enough to look
him into the eye. (Or so she thought).
She had to stay in
the hospital for another month and recover at home for
another. She never went to school again, because by the
time she was well enough to leave the house, it was
already nearly summertime and the school was over. Maria
had arranged so that the she could give the final exams in
private. She was a bright student so she effortlessly
passed them all. With her being a teacher Maria was able
to arrange all the other things as well so that Eilish
never had to face any of her classmates again. But
something in the girl was so irreversibly damaged that she
never was quite the same again.
She became awfully
silent and rarely talked to anyone besides Maria (or the
nature and animals around her home). She couldn’t smile
for months and Maria often heard subdued sobbing coming
from her room in the attic. She seemed to have completely
lost her trust in human beings and even the sight of
another human being (with a few exceptions) caused her to
flee in fear. Slowly she recovered to some extent, but the
painful sadness and fear seemed to still float around her.
Maria watched all this with genuine concern, but felt she
could do nothing but continue loving her.
May-be it was
Maria’s worry for Eilish that took a huge part of her away
as well. She herself was already nearly 70 and had decided
to retire when Eilish graduated. On one hand she had been
teaching for nearly 50 years and had grown weary, on the
other hand she felt she had to be there to support Eilish
who now had to face life. There was no way Eilish would go
to study in a university in such a state so she decided to
find a job that would allow her to live and work at home,
staying with her elderly stepmother. She was lucky enough
to find a job she could do at home. A local company hired
her to input data into the computer and she could do it
anywhere. In addition to this she sometimes typed in the
manuscripts for a publishing office and helped the
neighbour’s kids with their studies. Sometimes she babysat
the kids of Maria’s friends and former pupils (she had
been highly respected and loved as a teacher). Since she
was a very kind person, and also very correct and thorough
in everything she did, she never actually ran out of work.
The income was never much, but enough to take care of all
her needs.
For a year or two
everything seemed to go pretty well. Maria still did some
tutoring work in the school, but mostly stayed at home. In
time passing Eilish grew a little bit happier and
sometimes even seemed like her old cheerful and dreamy
self. The painful memories never completely went away, but
somehow the sharpness of the horrors grew softer in time.
But there was another deep distress she had to come
through yet.
The winter of 2014
was extra harsh. It was snowing so much that Eilish had to
shovel the passages around her house every day so that
they could get out of the house and move around. Often it
was almost impossible to open the door in the morning
because it had snowed so much. Tiddy (who was now an
elderly madam, not a kitten anymore) and 2 other cats
rarely stepped outside and preferred to sleep through
their days, lazily sprawling on the heated oven. It was so
cold outside that Eilish sometimes had to make the fire
twice a day. But in a way she liked winter. She liked the
cosy days, sitting in front of the crackling oven, Maria
knitting and she playing the recorder or having jolly
conversations about whatnot. Or drinking cocoa. Oh, those
sweet days! If she had known what would come she would
have wished the winter never ended...
Maria had lately
started to complain headaches. She blamed it on the dark
winter. "It is so dark every day like in the middle-ages,”
she jokingly used to say. But the pain in her head seemed
to take the turn for the worse when the spring approached
and the sunlight poured through the small kitchen window,
making everything glow. Then Maria would scold the too
bright light for making her vision blurry. But soon she
had to realize it was not just darkness or light that had
caused her troubles and she reluctantly went to see the
doctor.
The words "malignant
tumour in the optic tectum” resounded long in Maria’s
ears. There was nothing they could do, it was inoperable, they had told
her. She had may-be a year, may-be even less. They could
probably lengthen her life by a month or two with a
lengthy and exhausting treatment, but that was it. In fact
one of the doctors had actually suggested her to stay at
home where she could be surrounded by people she loved,
instead of withering away in an anonymous hospital. She
had a lot to think of. First of all of Eilish.
Eilish actually
proved to be much stronger than Maria had feared. May-be
the girl was just suppressing her own feelings to give her
all the support she needed. Eilish just told her she would
be with her till the end, no matter whether she decided to
spend her last months in a hospital or at home with her.
She would give her the best care and all her love like
Maria had always given her.
Maria stayed.
Eilish proved once
again to be a wonderful caretaker. She made her mother’s
life as comfortable as she could and offered her all the
time she could. She was glad she could work at home so she
could always be beside her mother. Sometimes it seemed
Eilish could read Maria’s mind, because she often had the
exact words Maria needed to hear, and she knew without
saying what Maria wished. These days Eilish became an
active visitor of the library to bring the most wonderful
pieces of literature to Maria and read them to her since
she soon couldn’t do it herself anymore. Eilish would cook
and clean around the house. She would sing and tell the
stories. She would even overcome her fear of strangers and
communicate with Maria’s friends to invite them over as
much as she could. She did everything in her power to make
her mother’s last months memorable.
In May 2015 almost a
year had passed from the terrible news and Maria had
become so sick she barely could walk or talk. The petite
girl showed unusual strength in walking her around or
doing any heavy jobs needed in the house. Luckily the
neighbouring woman was there to help when Maria needed
lifting or carrying. But everything else was on Eilish’s
shoulders. She had borrowed a wheelchair from the hospital
and took Maria to walks outside as much as she could. She
really wanted her not to miss spring, although Maria’s
vision was almost gone by then. When the final day came
the cherries were in full bloom and the whole yard was
covered with white petals so it looked like snow. She even
called it "cherry-blossom snow”. One day she would write a
book with this title, she had once thought. Eilish wheeled
Maria around the small yard, letting the cherry blossoms
softly fall on Maria’s hair and clothes. The sun was
shining brightly and it was unusually warm. Maria then
asked Eilish to take her back in, she was getting very
tired.
Eilish gently helped
her get into her bed and lulled her to sleep like she had
often done before during the past year. She adjusted her
blanket and stayed beside her, watching her fall asleep.
Maria softly whispered, "My dear beloved girl, I so love
you!” before closing her eyes and giving in to restless
dreams. Eilish knelt down in front of her bed and leaned
her head on the soft blanket. The warmth of the day, the
singing of the birds, the soft silence in the house soon
sent her to brief sleep as well. She was suddenly woken by
a feeling of strange presence. A presence of someone in
the room. She opened her eyes, but saw no-one. It had
grown darker outside, the sun had hidden behind gray
clouds and she could hear soft rain dripping against the
window. Maria mumbled something in her dreams. "Mom? Are
you awake?” Eilish gently asked, but she gave no answer,
just sighed briefly. Eilish gently squeezed her hand and
suddenly it seemed the sun had come out again. The soft
golden light filled the room and it grew awfully silent.
"It is time!” she heard a tender voice beside her mother’s
bed. Then she saw Maria smile. And yet again for a split
second she saw the same gentle eyes and the same wistful
smile as years before. Before she could get a good
glimpse, the vision was gone. And so was Maria. Her body
just lay there and she looked more peaceful than ever
before...
***
So many people had
come to see her off, there were so many who had loved her,
there were also many to help Eilish to go through the most
difficult parts of it. It had all been so beautiful, yet
so painful. But she had all the reasons to be thankful for
having known Maria.
It was just after
the funeral when she slowly began to realize that she was
completely alone now. On the first week some of Maria’s
friends had helped her arrange all the necessary things,
but then it grew awfully silent. She had no relatives
since Maria had been an orphan. And she had no friends
here – Ruth had married in Lebanon a couple of years ago
and already had her first child, their correspondence had
grown really sparse though Eilish often thought of Ruth.
She felt so lost, so alone... There was nobody to stroke
her hair or give her a hug or just be with her in her
grief. She just didn’t know what to do. She wished someone
would come for her. May-be it would be the mysterious
stranger that had made Maria smile on her last moment or
had smiled at her when her own heart had failed her. Who
was he???
Maria had not been a
religious woman, though she had had all the qualities of a
true Christian. It was the times she had been born and
raised in – these times did everything to discourage any
faith and it wore onto her as well. Yet she had sometimes
said that there really must be someone “up there”. But
that was it. So Eilish’s God had also always been “up
there”, away from everyday troubles, unreachable. There
had been nobody to introduce her to the real living God.
She had in fact read some Bible stories, but they were
just fairy-tale like stories from the distant history,
nothing more. Sometimes Eilish actually turned to God and
spoke to him, but it was more of a philosophical monologue
than a real prayer. There were a couple of churches in her
home town, but since she didn’t know anybody from the
congregations and she was too shy to step into the church
herself, she never really had attended any services or
spoken with anyone about God. So her knowledge about God,
Heaven, angels and in fact everything Christian was more
than vague. She was prepared to believe in fairies and
elves rather than God and angels. But still the appearance
of the being of light puzzled her greatly. She just
couldn’t explain it.
So after Maria’s
death Eilish was left with no mother, no relatives, no
faith, no hope. She felt so strongly that she didn’t
belong here, but there was nowhere else to go. So in this
particular afternoon in late May she just picked up her
recorder, wrapped her into her big white crocheted shawl
(it had belonged to her mother Maria and it made her feel
as if she was still there, with her) and headed to the
forest patch she had grown so fond of in years.
***
Little did she know
that this was the beginning of the most beautiful journey
for her. She had just thought that the walk would take her
mind off her loss – walking and singing and playing her
recorder had always had calming effect on her. She stepped
silently on the moss, her bare feet made almost no sound
at all (yes, she enjoyed walking barefoot, even in the
forest, she liked to feel the soft ground beneath her
feet). The birds were loudly chirping as if trying to
outdo each other. The soft afternoon light gilded the
forest, lighting up the fragile spiderwebs between the
trees. The air smelled sweet and fresh, but for a moment
her nose caught a trifle of saltiness in it. The nearest
sea was about 200 miles away, so it must have been just
wishful thinking. Eilish loved the sea, even before she
actually saw it on this Earth. Every time she and Maria
had gone to the seaside (they had tried to do it at least
a couple of times each summer) she had just stood there in
the sand, in awe, watching the waves wash the shores. It
was as if she tried to remember something...
She bent her head to
look into the bright sky when she suddenly heard faint
bleating. It sounded like a sheep but as far as she knew
there were none around. So she curiously moved towards the
sound until something she saw made her stop instantly. She
just stared at the two tall pine trees, or rather between
them. She saw a forest there as well, but it was a much
different one. Like someone had cut out a picture of a
another forest and pasted it between the trees. Her curiosity
prevailed her and she stepped closer, still hearing the
faint bleating and smelling the salty humid air coming
from the apparition. She was a cautious girl, but
something in the vision was drawing her nearer with such a
force that she couldn’t resist it. And when she saw small
blue rose-like flowers growing in the moss, she just ran
towards them, forgetting any cautiousness.
“The sky-roses!” she
exclaimed! These were the only signs of her origins – she
had appeared before Maria’s door, clutching the blue
flowers tightly in her hand. Maria had dried and kept one
of these, just hoping that this would one day lead Eilish
home. She crouched down and a faint trace of remembrance
swept across her face. “Sky-roses,” she muttered again and
picked up one of the delicate flowers to look at it
closely. “How weird!” She was genuinely puzzled because as
far as she knew this kind of flowers grew nowhere on
Earth. Maria as a primary school teacher knew plants well
and she had done a thorough research to find out the
origin of the flowers. But without any luck. She only had
the name Eilish had given her at the age of three. But now
there was the whole forest full of them!
She rose on her feet
to take a better look at this strange world. It was so
calm, quiet and beautiful. The air smelled fresh, there
was a sense of intactness in this nature. She felt as if
she was the first one ever to step into this forest. Then
she looked back to see where she had come from. To her
fright, there was nothing to be seen but the same calm
pine coppice. The portal had closed on her once more. She
took a couple of steps back just to find herself on the
other side of the two tall pines where the portal once
was. But she was still there, in the new world. There was
just a straight line in the moss, straight as a ruler. But
she really didn’t know what to make of it. She slightly
panicked. But the novelty of everything around her and the
curiosity soon quieted the panic down. After all, there
wasn’t really anything to leave behind...
So she decided to
explore the newly-found world. She adjusted the shawl,
clutched the recorder tightly in her hand and went towards
the light and bleating (which had now grown louder). Soon
she came out of the coppice and found herself looking down
at the most marvellous island she’d ever set her eyes on.
There were green pastures with neatly nibbled grass and
not very far from her a flock of white sheep lazily
resting on the grass. And the island was surrounded by the
deep blue sea – like the one she had sometimes seen on the
travel agency brochures. The white sands on the shore
looked almost snow-like. And then she saw a small cottage
huddled on a hillock not too far from her. There were tens
of fruit trees around it, all in full blossom, just like
the ones she had left behind. She just couldn’t stop
staring. She felt like there was supposed to be something
she has forgotten and now has to remember. But as
desperately as she tried, she couldn’t quite get the hold
of it.
So Eilish just
walked towards the cottage, hoping to get some answers. As
she approached, she saw that there was a fence around the
house, but what once might have been a flower garden was
now terribly overgrown. Though everything around the fence
was neat and tidy, but probably the sheep were responsible
for that. The cottage itself looked abandoned. It was
something very very familiar in that picture – Eilish
really began to have a feeling that she has been there
before. There were flickers of memories... or dreams... “There should be
a well in front of the house,” she suddenly thought and
decided to test her theory. As soon as she turned around
the corner of the house, she saw that everything there
looked very much abandoned as well. But indeed, in the
midst of the weed field there was a well. She made her way
through the overgrown grass and went to the well to look
inside.
“It is a well of
wishes!” she suddenly heard a voice in her memories.
Somebody had told this to her eons ago, somebody very kind
and lovely. Somebody who she had long dreamed of when she
was a kid. Could it be... She shook her head and looked at
her reflection in the bottom of the well. There was still
water in it. And a bucket was left beside the well, turned
upside down. She drew some water from the well – it was so
clear! She tasted it and it was truly the best water she
had ever had. Eilish looked around. Everything seemed so
eerily familiar. She strained her mind to remember, but
there were just faint flickers of dream-like visions.
“I have been here...
But why? And when?” she questioned herself. She closed her
eyes and suddenly had a clearer vision of a beautiful neat
flower-garden with white and yellow and red tulips growing
in the corner of the yard. And then another vision of a
small stream of water flowing through the garden... and
her playing on a bridge with a toy boat... She gasped.
Then she heard the sound of water flowing. There indeed
was a stream. And a small bridge going over it, though the
white paint had long ago peeled off, leaving the bridge
gray and bleached. She knelt on the bridge for a moment,
touching the stream with her hand. It was cool, yet soft.
There had obviously
no-one been in this place for years, since all the paths
leading to the house were seriously overgrown and the
house itself seemed somewhat sad and tired. There was once
much joy, Eilish thought. It was a happy place... She made
her way to the nearest window and looked inside. There was
not much to be seen from outside, so she decided to try
the door. It was unlocked. In fact, there was no lock on
the door at all. The door opened with a small squeak. Yet
that sound alone was so familiar... “Please, don’t squeak
the door, dear! Jimmy, you promised to oil it a week ago!”
Again some voices from the past. Her past?
The air inside
smelled frowzy and there was a considerable amount of dust
everywhere. When she stepped in, the dust rose up and the
particles danced drowsily in the golden evening sun. “Hey!
Is anyone in here?” she called out, yet not expecting an
answer. It just seemed a polite thing to do. She didn’t
want to trespass. Despite the dust everything was quite in
order. There were just bits here and there that indicated
that people, who had lived here, had thought they would
just leave for a while, not disappear for good – there was
an open book on the kitchen table, a row of socks still
hanging above the stove, two bowls (now empty) set on the
floor for a pet (deciding from the size of it, a cat or a
smaller dog), a jacket thrown casually on the back of a
chair. Who were these people? What happened to them? Why
do I remember this place? There were so many questions in
Eilish’s mind.
She walked around
the house. It seemed so cosy. If she ever would have a
home on her own, it would be just like this, she thought.
It was just so... homelike. She sighed. Then she spotted a
photograph on the mantelpiece in the living-room. It was
covered with a thick layer of dust, just like everything
else. She gave it a strong blow. All this dust made her
sneeze, but then she looked at the photo. It was a colour
photograph of a beautiful blond woman, a kind-looking man,
and of... her!!! There was no doubt about it! She cried
out in shock. It couldn’t be, could it? She sunk into the
couch and felt it was way too much to take in at once. The
memories from a distant past suddenly came flooding in and
she just burst into tears.
She just wept and
wept and wept. But there was a feeling of liberation in
her cry, a feeling of a heavy load being lifted off her
shoulders. She had come home. Her real home. Though Maria
had given her the best home she could ever want, she
always felt she doesn’t really belong into this world. But
here she somehow felt she is safe. Forever.
After a while Eilish
calmed down a bit. She went out, washed her face and
decided to fix up this place a little. She could deal with
all this dust later, first of all she decided to open all
the windows to let in the fresh spring air. Then she went
through the kitchen to find whether there is something
left she could eat, or rather, throw away. If her parents
(oh, it was so great to call them that!) had left in a
hurry there must be some food rotting or moulding
somewhere. What she didn’t know is that years ago some of
the kind villagers who kept their sheep and orchard on the
island, had in fact come into the house and cleaned away
the pantry since it soon started to smell awfully. And
they just didn’t want the owners to come back to a house
that smelled like a garbage bin or something worse. This
was indeed a very considerate thing to do. But the last
time anyone was in the house was more than a decade ago.
The house had been left intact ever since. May-be the
villagers wanted the inhabitants to find the house exactly
as they had left it and didn’t want to interfere more than
absolutely necessary. The garden had to be started over
anyway, so they let it be as well. Keeping other people’s
house tidy wasn’t asked of them either. So the house just
stood there waiting for someone to come.
Eilish found really
nothing besides a metal box containing something that
remotely looked and smelled like tea (or was it just her
imagination). Since there was nothing to eat she thought
to give this tea a try. There was a small stove beside the
larger one, which probably was meant for quickly heating
the water, the kettle was still on it, though most of the
water in it had vaporised. So she made fire (there was a
pile of firewood ready beside the stove) and cooked some
water. The tea practically had no more taste, but it was
somehow comforting to sit there in the porch and sip tea
watching the sun slowly going down into the blue sea.
All this experience
had exhausted Eilish, so she decided to find a place to
sleep before it went completely dark. There was a bedroom
just beside the living room and she had seen a large bed
there (and a small one beside it, probably hers). She
decided to clean up the bed (again, the dust) and thought
she would try to figure out everything else the next day.
But as soon as she took the pillow to beat the dust out of
it, she saw a small blue chequered toy rabbit under it.
She took it into her hand. “Tiddy,” she whispered. “You
are Tiddy. My Tiddy!” She gave another sigh, trying to
hold back tears. But as soon as she had managed to tidy up
the bed and curl herself up between the linen, she felt
the tears flowing again. She took hold of Tiddy and cried
herself to sleep. The morning found her clutching to a
rugged toy, curled up in her parents’ bed, sleeping in
fact more peacefully than she had in years.
***
She was woken by the
first sunrays that shone through the bedroom window. It
took her some time to realize where she was, but as soon
as she remembered, she smiled. Everything was so quiet,
she only heard some birds chirping happily on the trees
around the house. Since she had no watch (and all the
clocks in the house had stopped a long ago) she had no
idea how long she had slept or what the time was. She
assumed it is still early in the morning since the sun was
quite low. But she decided to wake up anyway and try to
find out more about the place.
She made herself
another tasteless tea and picked some dandelion leaves to
suppress her hunger – at her other home she had often
gnawed on the bitter leaves, because Maria had always told
her how many vitamins they contain. Maria actually could
make a fine dandelion salad, though as a child, Eilish
hadn’t been too fond of eating it. But now she really had
no choice. She wished she were a sheep because there was
plenty of juicy grass around. But the thought of taking a
bite herself wasn’t too appetizing. To wash down the
bitter dandelion taste she went to the stream and drank
from it. The calmness of the nature, the delicate dew on
the leaves where the sun hadn’t reached them, the singing
of the birds inspired her so much that she decided to
answer it somehow. She took her recorder, sat on the bench
in front of the house and began to play.
***
Andrew had just
returned from an assignment on Earth and it was still too
early to go to Willowveil. So he decided to take a walk
and surprise his beloved ones with a beautiful bouquet of
blooming cherry branches. These would certainly look nice
on the kitchen table, he thought. And he knew exactly
where to get a perfect bunch. There were beautiful cherry
trees on the uninhabited islet west of Asteri mainland.
The Asterians wouldn’t probably mind if he took a branch
or two. He will be gentle with the trees. So he set off to
the island.
The morning dew was
still covering the grasslands and the sheep had gathered
to one spot to keep each other warm should it get chilly
at night. Andrew saw the sun hanging low over the mainland
and heard a nightingale singing somewhere nearby. It was
so peaceful. But as he headed towards the orchard in the
middle of the island, he heard something else as well.
Somebody was playing a flute – it sounded beautiful and
soothing. Somebody was playing an Irish melody – dreamy
and somewhat sad. It must be one of the Asterians, Andrew
thought. As they are here it would probably be polite to
ask permission to take a branch. So he came nearer to the
abandoned cottage where the sound came from.
When he was near
enough to see the player, he noticed it was a young
fair-haired girl. She didn’t seem familiar but from such a
distance it was difficult to distinguish her features. But
as he walked nearer and was about to greet the girl, she
suddenly jumped up, startled, and dashed around the
corner. Andrew wondered if he was the one to startle her
and felt somewhat guilty. So he decided to find her and
apologize.
***
Eilish enjoyed the
morning sun stroking her cheeks and bare feet. She closed
her eyes while playing and just let the music flow through
her. “The Last Rose of
Summer” was one of her favourites – she liked to
sing it as well when nobody was listening. It seemed that
this kind of music was just created for this island, this
place. She opened her eyes to look at the rising sun
again. Suddenly she saw a figure approaching over the
pasture. She could only make out a shadow against the
sunlight, but it was enough to make her panic. There was
supposed to be nobody around... Oh... She just
instinctively jumped up and ran behind the house... It was
her house, but at this moment she felt like a trespasser.
So she frantically tried to find a place to hide, at the
same time feeling slightly stupid for her timidity. The
woodpile in the corner of the yard seemed like a perfect
place. She managed to squeeze her small body behind the
pile, but also managed to bark her hand badly in the
process. Holding her bleeding hand, and her breath, she
tried to be as silent as she could, even though it seemed
to her that the pounding of her heart could be heard miles
away.
Andrew came to the
garden and looked around. There seemed to be no-one there.
“Hallo! Is anyone
here?” he called.
But nobody answered.
Suddenly he heard subdued sneezing from behind a large
woodpile near the fence. He couldn’t help but smile. Was
someone playing hide-and-seek with him? A child perhaps?
This girl seemed to be quite small after all. He slowly
approached the pile.
“Hey!” he said
softly. “Please don’t be afraid! I am Andrew.”
He peeked behind the
woodpile. What he saw genuinely surprised him. He saw two
large blue eyes staring at him with utter disbelief. It
was not the fear he had sometimes seen in people’s eyes
when he was revealed as an angel of death. It was just...
disbelief... As if she had never seen another human being
before.
For a split second
Andrew looked at Eilish, trying to figure her out, and
then smiled at her tenderly. He reached out his hand,
saying: “Please, come out! I won’t hurt you!” Then he saw
her barked hand and added, “And let me look at your hand.
It’s bleeding.”
“I-it is just a
scratch,” the girl finally stuttered so silently that it
sounded more like a wind passing by. But she slowly
crawled out nevertheless. Then she took another brief look
at Andrew. “You!” she simply stated after a while. There
was some recognition in her eyes. “It was you!”
Andrew nodded.
“Yes.”
“But... I
mean...you...” she stumbled upon her words. “Are you
death?” she suddenly managed to burst out. Realizing the
gravity of her question, she blushed and looked away,
embarrassed.
Andrew slightly
tilted his head. “Well, no. I just help people to... get
to the other side. I am an angel of death.”
“Did you come for
me?” Eilish silently asked and it sounded as if she had
been waiting for it.
“No,” answered
Andrew with a bright smile. “I live here when I’m not in
Heaven or doing work on Earth. But please, let me look at
your hand!” he insisted. Eilish was so lost that she
couldn’t know what else to say. She just stood there,
shivering, trying to figure out whether she should run
away or follow the stranger. Something in her told that
she could trust the man. So she let Andrew lead her to the
kitchen.
Andrew helped Eilish
to clean and tie the wound. She let it all happen, still
shivering with confusion. There was nobody in this world
left to take care of her and standing on her own seemed so
terribly difficult for her at the moment. She really was
lost in every possible way. And yet there was something
calming in the tender stranger. So she tried to do her
best to answer his kindness. At least she would not run
away again.
“How did you end up
here?” Andrew inquired.
“I just... went for
a walk... in the forest... and I ... saw the sky-roses
and... somehow came to this island. I don’t know how,”
Eilish sighed.
“The sky-roses?”
“Yes, the little
blue flowers growing in the forest here. I... I... had
some with me... when Maria found me... and...” She paused
for a while, feeling that tears filled her eyes when she
thought about her stepmother.
“It’s OK,” Andrew
said gently.
Eilish tried to
continue talking, though with obvious difficulties. “She
took me in... when I was three... and my parents... I...
I... never knew them... And there was a photo in this
house... of me... and I thought that... I’m sorry. I’m
sorry!” She couldn’t take it anymore. Covering her eyes,
she just let the tears fall over her face. Andrew wasn’t
too sure what to do with the frightened girl, because he
seldom had seen anyone so fragile and shy. It almost felt
touching her would break her. So he just gently stroked
her hair.
“Don’t worry about
that. Just take your time. It’s OK. You can talk about it
later.”
After a while Eilish
managed to calm down a bit. She nodded, wiping away her
tears. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’m just so lost... I
don’t even know where I am... Or who I am...”
“Everything is going
to be all right. You are in... Asteriana (the name Dyeland
would have probably confused Eilish more at this time,
Andrew thought) and the people here are all very friendly.
You’ll meet them soon. And get to know this place. But now
you must be hungry, I bet there is nothing in the house to
eat.”
“I... I had some
tea... and I ate some dandelion leaves,” Eilish muttered.
Andrew burst out
laughing. “Dandelion leaves! My goodness! You surely need
a decent breakfast!” He looked at Eilish’s bare feet.
“Grab your shoes and I will take you to JenniAnn. You’ll
love her. And she makes excellent breakfast.”
“I don’t have any
shoes...” Eilish said, blushing again.
“Oh, you remind me
of my friend, Monica. She likes to walk barefoot as well.
You would like her. Don’t worry about the shoes, though,
I’m sure we will find something for you.”
******************************************************************
May 2015
Graphics
courtesy of www.aon-celtic.com